By BLAURIE ROSENSTEIN Daily Press Staff Writer
CITY HALL Less than two months after the death of Anna Nicole Smith, diet company Trimspa has announced their new official spokesman — City Councilman Kevan McKeown.
“Don’t I look so delicious in these Prada leather pants?” McKeown asked during a press conference on Friday, when he was introduced as the new pitchman for the diet supplement company. “Trimspa can make you look delicious in Prada pants, too.”
After learning that Trimspa was looking for a new face for its dietary product, McKeown, who dramatically lost weight a few years ago and has insisted it was due to a change in diet and bicycle riding, admitted to the public it was because of Trimspa.
“I had to put my scrumptious pride aside and take this opportunity to represent a company that has saved my life,” McKeown said, with tears welling in his eyes as he reflected on his portlier days.
Meanwhile, squirrels in Palisades Park were seen hitting each other’s G-spot, fueling fears that the cute little rodents will bring about a plague on all our houses.
During the press conference, McKeown also made another shocking announcement — he is the father of Smith’s 6-month-old daughter, Dannielynn. He joins the list of men who claimed to be the girl’s father, including Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and Mr. Zsa Zsa Gabor.
The former Playboy Playmate and McKeown met four years ago at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting in the Bahamas during a two week recess from the City Council. At the time, McKeown told his foolish colleagues that he was taking a vacation in the Bahamas.
The two began a love affair that lasted until January 2006 when they parted ways because McKeown was not happy with Smith’s drug addiction.
“I was the one who introduced Smith to Trimspa,” McKeown said. “If it weren’t for me, she would’ve died really fat.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2007. Read the original PDF.