Don’t forget about siblings when baby comes home
By LYNN SULLIVAN Special to the Daily Press
Expectant moms and dads are not the only ones who must make adjustments for a new arrival. Brothers-and sisters-to-be also will face changes when a baby is added to the family.
No matter how careful you are with your current children, they can feel neglected or displaced when a new baby comes home from the hospital. Suddenly, they are no longer the focal point of your attention and may believe they need to compete with their brother or sister.
To keep siblings involved and excited about their growing family, try the following age-based strategies that have proved effective over time.
Toddlers: 1) Speak to them in very simple terms. Once your tummy begins showing, talk about the “baby growing inside mommy.” 2) Read age-appropriate stories to them. There are many excellent books for siblings. 3) Give them dolls to practice baby care and let them participate in simple chores and tasks while you are caring for the baby. 4) Make child-care arrangements well in advance of your due date and let your toddlers know where they will be staying while you are in the hospital. 5) Visit the hospital with your toddlers to show them where “mommy and your brother or sister will be staying.” 6) Refer to the new baby as “our baby,” so they will feel included in the process. 7) Show them pictures or videos of themselves as infants so they can better grasp the concept. 8) Encourage visitors to ask about them, not just the baby.
Preschoolers: 1) Use simple but realistic terms to explain about the “baby growing inside mommy.” Avoid references to the “stork” or “cabbage patch.” 2) If an older child is getting his or her own room, call the move a “graduation” or “big brother/sister move” and celebrate accordingly. If they will be sharing a room, be sure the older child has his or her own space. 3) Involve preschoolers in discussions about the baby’s name and other planning for the birth. 4) Let them make phone calls to announce their brother or sister’s arrival. 5) Get celebratory lollipops for them to pass around. A printed T-shirt that reads, “I’m a big brother,” is also a nice way to share the announcement.
Adolescents/teens: 1) Use the opportunity to talk about human sexuality, reproduction and the importance of family life. 2) Include them in baby care and infant CPR classes so they gain hands-on training. 3) Reassure them that they are loved and important family members too.
The BirthPlace at Santa Monica- UCLA Medical Center offers a sibling preparation class designed for brothers-and sisters-to-be ages 3 to 10. For more information about the class or a list of excellent books for siblings, call (310) 319-4947. (Lynn Sullivan, a mother and former maternity nurse, is community programs manager for The BirthPlace at Santa Monica-UCLA Medical Center).
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 18, 2005. Read the original PDF.