Dear Dorie, My 1-year-old attends the Santa Monica Public Library with me for the infant story time. All the other infants are sitting on their mom’s laps listening attentively and my baby is walking, squeaking, touching and sometimes screaming. I get stares from the other moms and dads as well as from the librarian. What is wrong with my child? — Frazzled mom Dear Mom, Nothing is wrong with your child. Each child is uniquely different in personality and temperament, and each has his/her own learning style. As a promoter of the Santa Monica Public Library Laptimes (30 minutes of stories, songs and fingerplays for 0-to 24-month-olds), I look at this situation all the time, and from personal experience I can tell you that every parent perspires when they get “the glance.” Some of theses glances are supportive — like “been there done that” and, sadly, some of these are critical as in “my child never did that you must be doing something wrong.” One of the most difficult parts of parenting is having the confidence to ignore those glances that make you sweat.
Now what does a 1-year old love to do? Walk. They just learned how and they are anxious to try it out. What does the library want them to do? Sit. If they’ve had enough physical activity that morning they might, and I repeat, might be able to sit quietly threw a laptime. If not, no way. Maybe some of these other children aren’t walking yet or have been out at the park all morning. Ultimately, it shouldn’t matter to you what they do. You need to find out what will work for you and your child.
Respecting who your child is, now let’s look at what you can do if it happens again. 1) Ignore any uncomfortable stares and know that your child’s behavior is appropriate and your loving support and care is more important. 2) Stand up in the back or walk the perimeter of the library space — out of sight is usually out of mind, other participants who can’t see you won’t be so critical. 3) When possible, go to the library early or some other time when you can allow your child to explore the space with your supervision. This may remove some of the curiousity/stimulus and set up a calmer laptime. 4) Keep trying. If it continues to happen more than a few times, say half way through the session, try a different hour or location. The Santa Monica Public Library offers laptimes at four different locations on four different days. Please call your local library branch for schedule information. Good luck. (Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392).
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 7, 2004. Read the original PDF.