Dear Dorie, I have a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old and they seem to be from two different planets when it comes to physical activity. My old-est seems pretty calm most of the time and my youngest won’t stop moving. Is there some way to get the little one to settle down or should I be trying to make the older one more active?
Dear Split, Congratulations for parenting two toddlers and taking the time to write a letter. Your hands are full and will be for a while but hang in there, preschool is just around the corner.
Regarding changing one or the other, I have yet to hear of an effective way to manipulate the temperament of a child. In fact, some people suggest that any attempt to calm one down or pump one up would be abusive because their true personality is being challenged. You have two children that are unique individuals with different wants and needs. One child is not better than the other, they’re just different (although one may be easier). While this may make it difficult to parent with consistency, at least it’s not boring.
Your primary job regarding their physical development is to guard both of them from injury while providing them with ways to explore and develop their motor skills. Public park playgrounds are your best bet. Stay physically close to the active one but keep your eye on your oldest. I like to call it the “helicopter” mode, as you need to hover nearby but only swoop in when the inevitable fall or crash gets likely.
You can take practical steps to make the home environment physically safer for the active toddler, but usually they find ways to climb and run that you haven’t even imagined. Your oldest may just need more time to acquire the same level of activity or might always be more sedentary. Quiet space and manipulatives (small objects for small fingers) will probably be more up his alley. Good luck.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on May 15, 2007. Read the original PDF.