I DON’T GET THE FLU OFTEN, BUT THIS strand is a doozie and I’m not handling it well. I believe “cranky” is the technical term to describe my mood. I’ve had so much chicken soup in the last 72 hours I worry I’m going to grow feathers. I’m taking so much Nyquil it’d be simpler to have an IV drip.
There’s always that first telltale sign. It could just be a tiny tickle in your throat. I immediately begin gobbling vitamin C like an addict, but it’s usually too late. These days, everybody’s got his or her pet prevention. Worse than being sick is when friends give me a lecture, “Didn’t you take Echinacea?” Like not only am I sick, but I’m also stupid. (And the latter doesn’t get better in seven days.) With the writers’ strike, I couldn’t have picked a worse time. Being sick is depressing enough without reruns. (We all might have to go back to reading?) Some friends lent me DVDs, including “Fracture,” starring Anthony Hopkins as a diabolical criminal. (Has he ever played that before?) Hopkins shoots his unfaithful wife and entraps her LAPD detective lover. The premise is beyond absurd. The detective not only has to be the one who responds to the 911 call, but he and Hopkins have to be alone at the crime scene so a certain “switch” can take place. I won’t elaborate, in case you get the flu and need 113 minutes of distraction. I’ve also been watching the candidate debates. (Which could make anyone sick.) Thirty percent of the Republican candidates don’t believe in evolution, and all but Ron Paul think we ought to expand GITMO. You’d think they own stock in waterboarding equipment. As for the Dems, I wish Gore would run! (Al, are you listening?) If Hillary gets the nomination, the right wing will unleash a fleet of swift-boats. If she wins, it could be 28 years straight of either a Clinton or a Bush in the White House. In a country of 300 million, aren’t there any other families who could provide us a president?
With the cost of campaigns skyrocketing, I don’t see how we can ever have meaningful change without public financing. The problem is incumbents would have to vote it in. Fat chance. Locally, City Councilmember Kevin McKeown tried to get campaign finance reform discussions going and, except for Ken Genser, was basically shown the door.
I don’t know why we still have elections on Tuesday. Since half the people don’t register, and half of those who do don’t vote, why not vote on the weekends when it’s more convenient? Tuesday was chosen in 1845, when the polling place could be a two-day ride by horse. If changing the day we vote makes sense to you, go to: whytuesday.org.
From my sick bed, the news wasn’t all bad. Sure, the Middle East is in chaos, but at least O.J. will stand trial in Las Vegas. In Pakistan, President Musharraf sent 600 police officers with machine guns and barbed wire barricades to hold female opposition leader Benazir Bhutto under house arrest. Bhutto’s comment, “It’s time for Musharraf to leave.” (I wonder what Hillary would say if Bush tried to pull that on her?) Pakistan calls into question the entire Bush Doctrine: “Any country that harbors terrorists will be regarded as a hostile regime.” This is because northwestern Pakistan remains a haven for bin Laden, Al Qaeda and other Islamic militants, and yet, Musharraf got $10 billion of our aid! As each day of this crisis passes, what are the odds Pervez survives? To quote the late Jim Healy, “Slim and none, and slim just left town.”
Here are a few more tidbits filed under “What, me worry?”: Congress’ Joint Economic Committee predicts the Iraq war will cost every American family $46,000 (there goes the kids’ college); the cheapest gas in Santa Monica is $3.16 a gallon;Atlanta may run out of water in two weeks; the dollar hit an all-time low against the Euro; and the FBI says Blackwater killed 14 innocent Iraqis. (When did it become OK to have a private army?) In 2000, the neo-con issue was “restoring dignity to the White House.” (Ya gotta laugh now.) In 2004, it was gay marriage (boys kissing), and in 2008, it will be immigration. (Forget a wall, let’s build a dome.) If the Dems had any smarts (big if), they’d go after the corporations. If a few CEOs went to jail for hiring illegals, the problem might go away pronto. (Pun intended.) Finally, I think my fever broke. (Or somebody turned on the a/c.) I apologize if this column has been discursive, going from movie reviews to waterboarding. It could be the sign of a disorganized mind, but I’m hoping it’s just too much Nyquil.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on November 16, 2007. Read the original PDF.