Vapid young American backpackers encounter virtually every played-out European stereotype in the book in this contemptible clunker from the writing team that excreted the abysmal adaptation of “The Cat in the Hat.” Even the target audience — adolescent males who might get a rise out of lame gags about British soccer hooligans and rude Frenchmen, mixed with plenty of gratuitous boob shots — will likely be repelled by the film’s relentless prosaicism. A better title for “Eurotrip,” which was originally called “Ugly Americans,” would be “EuroPASS.”
Scotty Thomas (Scott Mechlowicz) has a Berlin-based pen pal named Mieke (Jessica Boehrs). Although they’re both horny teens who’ve been sharing the most intimate details of their lives over the Internet for years, Scotty is somehow mistakenly under the impression that Mieke (a common name for girls in Germany) is a man. When Mieke makes a cyber-pass at him, simpleton Scotty has a homophobic fit that scares off his potential paramour. He gets it straight soon enough, but by then Mieke’s already blocked her e-mail account. Certain that this mystery woman is his true love — he met her on the Internet, she’s gotta be a well-adjusted hot-tie, right? — Scotty enlists a few pals and heads to Europe in search of Mieke.
The group, which includes the requisite wiseacre best buddy (Jacob Pitts) and a pair of tiresome twins (Michelle Trachtenberg and Travis Wester), begin their cross-continent trek in London (no drinking age … woo-hoo!), then head to France (nude beaches … woo-hoo!), and Amsterdam (pot brownies and sex clubs … woo-hoo!). Talk about mining some fertile comedic ground. The only thing missing is a bidet zinger. Eventually, finally, mercifully, they arrive at Mieke’s place — how Scotty got her address and why he didn’t simply call or write a letter is never addressed — only to discover that she’s on holiday at the Vatican in Rome. So off they go again, and you don’t need to be a dopey 18-year-old frat boy to guess what comes next: Pope jokes, dude, cuz that hat he wears sure is, like, weird and stuff.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 20, 2004. Read the original PDF.