By BOSS FURRYCOW Daily Planet Slave
The feeding lines at Palisades park, under recent pressure from the city to clean up its cleanliness, received an “A” grade from the LA county department of health.
Beverly Hills Church organizers and well-doers were ecstatic about the food line rating.
“We try hard to keep this process humane, you know, for the good Christians out there,” said Not N. Mybackyard, a Beverly Hills resident and activist.
Joe Schmucker of Pacific Palisades said that his feeding line is cleaner than most local kitchens.
“Why should these folks have to deal with dirty eating environments?” said Schmucker. “If we don’t take care of them properly here, they might make their way to the Palisades, so we play by the rules.”
Schmucker was recently awarded a local humanitarian award for “beautification of the community parks” by the Pacific Palisades Homeowners Association for his feeding efforts in Santa Monica.
Meanwhile, shots rang out in the Pico neighborhood. Until recently, the food lines were not regulated by any government, until last year when the Santa Monica City Council decided to pass an ordinance to regulate the food lines in an effort to create a “safe and sanitary” eating environment for the area’s homeless.
While most of the feeding lines feature light appetizers (chilled) and usually a warm main course, it’s been the dessert tray that has been creating problems for most of the recipients accepting free meals in the park. Last week, three homeless residents reported upset stomachs from the raspberry crème brulee that was not properly refrigerated for more than 30 minutes.
“This is inhumane” said Stoopid Steve, an area homeless resident that has eaten at the park every day since the Reagan administration was in office. “I was to the point of nearly throwing up after that damn dessert. Plus, we have had four days straight of raspberry crème brulee. We’re humans, you know.”
Some of the warm appetizers that are served nightly are also suspect.
Another homeless person named Clever Trevor claimed that he got sick from the seared foie gras from the week before.
“I was throwing up violently for hours.” said Trevor. “It could have been from the 12 pack of malt liquor, the bottle of Nyquil or the three painkillers I took that night, but I am pretty sure the apple reduction in the foie gras was bad.”
Zagat, a well-known restaurant review publication plans to determine whether the feeding lines will be rated in the 2005 Los Angeles Restaurant Guide based on how many reviews are submitted on it’s website.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2004. Read the original PDF.