By ANY DAY IN LA BY HEIDI MANTEUFFEL
As you may have read in The Hollywood Reporter, Daily Variety and any other paper that mentions the word “television,” Emmy consideration season is in full bloom. Cult shows like “Arrested Development” survive solely because of efforts like the Emmys (and of course, Fox) recognizing the talent the rest of the nation finds hidden.
Some celebrities are surprised to have even been nominated, and others like Eva Longoria in “Desperate Housewives” are left wondering why they are left out.
But don’t cry for me, Eva, you’re not the only star people have forgotten about. I think there are great efforts by people right here in Santa Monica that completely fall under the Emmy radar.
Sure, they may not have television shows yet, but watching their performances can be just as entertaining and emotionally touching. How the committee could leave out all these residents of Santa Monica and greater LA is beyond me.
That’s why I decided Santa Monica/- LA needed some award recognition of its own. Here are the nominees in the following categories: In the category of sound: 1. Garbage truck/recycling bin pickup at eight in the morning. 2. Daily rummaging of broken glass in the trash cans by bicycling man. 3. Horn beeping of a woman who illegally parked and was then upset when someone else parked illegally behind her.
For music, the nominees are: 1. The Adelphia cable man playing “It’s Alright” disco music in my alleyway. 2. “I believe I can fly” by performer No. 3 on the Third Street Promenade. 3. Show tunes such as “Hello Dolly” and “Oklahoma!” heard near the 53-decibel mark by unaware neighbors at bedtime.
For choreography considerations: 1. Japanese tourists walking perfectly in a row. 2. The chorus (flood) of people trying to cross the Promenade every Saturday and Sunday. 3. The rollerblading guitar performer on the Promenade. Please tell me you know whom I’m talking about.
Lead Performer in a Primetime Show: 1. Twelve-year-old boy cruising Westwood in his mini car. Beep beep. 2. The Asian man with the two-foot tall toy drum set that plays “Rock, Around, the Clock To-night.” 3. The beat poet that rhymes about her period.
Lead Performer in a Daytime Show: 1. The high-pitched construction worker chronically talking on his cell while drinking an iced latté. 2. The comedic homeless man who says “Keep your money. I wouldn’t give it to me either.” 3. Man who gives out K-Mart coupons but doesn’t know where it is.
Best Ensemble Performance 1. The girls at the Beck show in tube tops primping for their chance to meet him. 2. The boys at the Beck show in tube tops primping for their chance to meet him.
Costumes 1. Flock of Seagull’s haircut boy with his red Mick Jagger/Ronald McDonald pants. 2. Blue, fluffy, pimp-hat lady with candy-pink botox lips that looked like Barbie from the series “Goodwill.” 3. Top hat boy and his jean/spandex pant rocker friends.
So many people put so much time and effort in all these categories, so I’m sorry that I had to leave some out in the consideration process. Nevertheless, I feel that acknowledging even a few of these fine performers is a move in the right direction. (To vote and/or add additional nominees for consideration, The winners will be announced on the Tuesday column following the Emmy Awards show Sept. 18. Feel free to vote early and often.)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 9, 2005. Read the original PDF.