By Mark Marchillo Odd Man Out
THE SPACE BETWEEN FRIENDS AND lovers. In gay society this can be a very delicate balance. I like myself a little of everyone. Some old. Some young. Some my age. Some pre-pubescent. Girls. Boys. Men. Ladies. But how do you keep the music playing that old familiar, “Friendship,” when they want something else?
I met a man the other day. A wonderful man, in his 50’s, successful, funny, sweet. Not my type at all. He wants to date. I’m big with the 50-plus crowd. As much as I enjoy his company (and the company of the celebrities he keeps), there’s just no dice. I learned a long time ago I could settle for sacrifice, where my pocketbook is concerned, and there’s no turning back once you’ve happened on that conclusion.
The Girls. Girls are just fun. When they like you, it’s a nice compliment. Then you have to tell them (or in some cases, remind them) that you’re gay. Yikes! At least it’s a different kind of let-down than “Sorry, you’re too old.” Speaking of which, the older ladies don’t usually get that far. They seem to get it quicker, or are just resigned to the old-age factor. They seem to care less whether you like them or not; they just want a companion regardless.
But it’s the ones you want to keep as friends. They’re the ones that always seem to teeter that totter of all or nothing. Love me or leave me (and let me be lonely). I’m a friend person. I have a lot of friends. And very few have turned that corner onto Lover’s Lane. When you’re a few-and-far-between kind of guy, there’s a lot of room for reflection. That is, a lot of time and solitude for reflection. And I like to keep people around, regardless of whether they want anything torrid or not. I guess I just hate to see people go. Fall out of your life. Naturally some are only in your life for a short time — that’s just how it works. But it hurts when you try to let them down easy and try to hold onto them at the same time, and they walk. Sounds confusing. It is, to them. But some just want one thing. If those aren’t the wares you’re selling, they want no part of you. And if that’s the case, they were never the right fit in your life to begin with. The good ones will stay... or at least come back someday.
Mark Marchillo is a freelance filmmaker and all-together nice guy living in Santa Monica. Send comments or suggestions regarding his column to
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 11, 2008. Read the original PDF.