WALKING DOWN THE STREET IN A CITY like Santa Monica or New York one can feel unidentified, completely alone and unknown in the chaos of street garbage and car horns. Maybe it’s this feeling of a life in masquerade that leads us to identify ourselves as gay, over any other aspect or characteristic of our time here on this planet.
But the idea that a sexual orientation is of the utmost when it comes to prioritizing the existence of a human being seems like it would do the polar opposite. The yearning to feel like we’re important, that we mean something and have something maybe not everyone else has — our gayness — and to find that place in the world where we belong, a community… doesn’t really offer up much comfort. I mean, let’s face it, while Joe is off proving he’s a vibrant homosexual man and screaming it like a banshee off the balcony of Fiesta Cantina, Mr. Schmo leads his heterosexual life not worrying about it.
He doesn’t need to shout out to the world that he’s straight. He knows it. It sits well with him. He’s good like that. ‘Nuff said, Marvel. So why does Joe the gay guy figure that constant procurement of his sexual identity gives him an identity?
In a time where gays are really starting to “come out” to society as a whole, in the media, politics, and even in high schools, shouldn’t we be promoting our lifestyle as, well maybe more than just a lifestyle? Simply put we make ourselves unimportant.
Because how important is orientation? The more emphasis we place on its importance the more we just become that “thing,”and not who we truly are, as individuals, as people of a society — not just a community. And, the more the “other” people in that society see us as just gay. Just the gay guy. The gay uncle. My gay friend. “By the way, he’s gay.”“I can’t wait for you to meet my gay friend, Nick.”
Do Nick and Joe really need to walk around with titles like “Gay Nick” and “Gay Joe?”
Seems like we’re regressing here. Where’s the normality in being us? In being gay. There’s such a stereotype, a stigmatism to it. Jack McFarlands of the world take note. We’re so much more than that! But in our efforts to be included in that winner-take-all society we try to fit into, we sink the definition of “gay” into the easy-on-the-brain concept of the screaming banshee or the drag queen or the twink with the electric hips. All of them are very present in the community — I mean, let’s admit, stereotypes exist for a very good reason. They’re true. But there is another side to it. To our identity. Both as a community and as individuals. In essence, we’ve lost our own identities to the communal summarization of us all.
But you know what? We’re not all that or this or then or now. We’re you. And me. And him. And that best friend over there. That jerk over here. Yes, you know it, we all know it. So say it! Show it! Guess we gays are coming of age.
Finally. It’d be cool to find that long lost reflection in the mirror. Look closely. See anything you like? Can you see who you are? The hour to figure up the cost of damages has arrived. Search out that identity and pay up. Be real.
Let’s just hope we know where to find it. After all, Nick and Joe deserve better.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on May 24, 2007. Read the original PDF.