... Buzz had a case of the Mondays last week (and it was Tuesday, to make matters worse), when a young lady friend pointed out that the day before was Mole Day. About to get his Oaxaca on, Buzz was stopped before he could run for the border, reminded that Mole Day was celebrated each Oct. 23, from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m. Buzz’s blank expression left said lady friend feeling a wee bit dweebish, so he let her off the hook, coolly flexing a few hangover high school chemistry brain cells and recalling Avogadro’s Number (6.02 x 10^23) — a measuring unit in chemistry. Proving Buzz knows a thing or two about a thing or two... Of course, mole and some avogadro sounds kinda tasty about now...... Speakin’ of tasty, the couple sitting in their car outside the 7-11 at Wilshire and Seventh on Wednesday night couldn’t get enough of eachother’s larynx. Hey, Buzz gets the munchies like anyone else (believe you, me), but never celebrated a Slurpee or Big Gulp in such literal fashion as these two rubberneckers. Buzz never viewed blaring Bach and sketchy skaterats as an aphrodisiac before, but good for the lippy lovers. Still, it leads Buzz to wonder:“What the hell do they put in those quarter-pound Big Bites?”...... Buzz’s annual top-five Santa Monica Halloween costume predictions: 1) A Starbucks employee who just keeps asking you your name all night; 2) A bicycle cop who pedals his spokes backwards to keep the rhythm while rolling slowly past waving business owners; 3) A frustrated driver with his date, a parking attendant who hangs up a sign reading:“Lot is full”; 4) The Mad Hatter and Alice in Wonderland; and 5) A smiling city councilman with a big red stamp on his face that reads: “Bad for Santa Monica”...... Buzz thought he spotted a couple of supporters of Proposition Y the other day driving east on Ocean Avenue. Oblivious they seemed as they cruised down the street passing a ganja-laden joint to one another. At the red light at Broadway, Buzz was just about to lean out his window and ask them to pass over that big, fat, rolled-up (Proposition Y political flier) when one of SMPD’s finest pulled up behind them. The couple seemed to rescind their campaigning, promptly turning east as soon as they could. Apparently, sharing their righteous (Proposition Y political fliers) with the Buzzman was their lowest priority...... Rolling on, Buzz spotted a man on a bicycle in search of the highway to heaven. Strapped on the back was a Direct TV satellite dish, no monitor in sight. On the front, a bungied Bible shown forth from the crossbar, where a bicycle light might be. Of course, who needs a light when you’ve seen the Light, right, my man? Buzz was soon struck by an image of the bicycle sailing past the moon in “E.T.” The next time someone asks Buzz if he’s found Jesus, he’ll explain he’s saving up for Direct TV... And now, a reading from the book of Pelotons...
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 30, 2006. Read the original PDF.