DESPITE A 1990 FEDERAL LAW, IT TOOK A court order to force the White House to finally produce a report on global warming. After stalling for 4 years, the Bush Administration’s reaction was relax, it’s not the end of the world (unless of course, it is).
The government’s report is a little on the grim side. By 2080, if not sooner, we can expect the following: Increased deaths from heat and smog; water and food shortages; extreme weather deaths and damage from wildfires, hurricanes and other natural disasters; and increased insect infestations in food and waterborne microbes and diseases. Other than that, we’re fine. How did we do nothing about global warming for the past eight years? Easy. George Bush didn’t believe in it. It was just a theory, he said. I guess like gravity’s just a theory.
Turning to some good news, the Lakers and Kobe Bryant who, at the start of the year were on the verge of imploding, are in the NBA Finals. By the time you read this the Lakers will either be one game up or one down. Either way, I’ll be pacing. Given how far the Lakers have come this season, win, lose or draw, we all should be grateful whatever the outcome. That said, if it’s “lose” or “draw,” I’m going to be miserable.
The Lakers have been in Los Angeles 47 years and this is their 23rd NBA Final, which is an amazing record. The Dodgers, for example, have won a total of one playoff game in the last 20 years, and the prospects this year of making it two are not terribly good.
The possible “not so good news” for Lakers fans is that, after 21 years, they’re playing the Celtics again. Many of the worst moments in my young life came watching the Celtics beat the Lakers in the final seconds of Game 7. It happened over and over, in various ways and often inexplicably. I think it made me doubt the existence of a higher power. At least one higher than Red Auerbach.
The Celtics dominance was a humiliating 8-0 when the Lakers finally broke the curse in 1985. And yet even now, if getting to the finals and losing is a horrible, empty feeling, losing to the hated Celtics is even worse. The current owner, Wycliffe Grousbeck, has already bragged about Celtic historical supremacy. As if I needed a reason to dislike him, I don’t much care for that name. Wycliffe Grousbeck? It sounds like an island off Newfoundland.
Lance, an attorney friend from high school, sent an e-mail reminding me of a moment from our youth. We were entering a Lakers-Celtics finals at the Sports Arena when a scalper offered us, what at that time, was a lot of money for our tickets. I hesitated, not because I was cheap, though I was, but because I knew the Lakers would lose and this would save me the agony of seeing it in person. Lance talked me into going inside and I’m glad he did, but of course, the Lakers lost.
For some reason the entire town is more excited about this year’s series than even during the Showtime era of the 1980s. Except for my friend Michael. Not having a TV, he hates the Lakers because the games are shown on the big screen in our building rec room when he’d rather watch “America’s Next Top Model.” Or my friend Francis who passionately roots for ABL — “Anybody but the Lakers.” Forget the JFK assassination, Francis believes the Lakers-Celtics finals is the result of a conspiracy involving NBA Commissioner David Stern and ABC. (When you live in a high-rise you rub shoulders with eccentrics, any of whom, if they had a column, I’m sure would include me in that category.) So why the extreme excitement this year? Perhaps it’s because we haven’t had a pro football franchise in decades, the Dodgers are a sub.500 team, USC may be put on probation (from my keyboard to God’s ears) and UCLA basketball squads get to the Final Four but fizzle. So the Lakers are the only game in town. I know ABC has to be thrilled. They came dangerously close to a Detroit-San Antonio final, which might have gotten ratings only slightly higher than bass fishing on ESPN2.
Las Vegas oddsmakers, and many of the sports talk show pundits, are picking the Lakers, which always makes me nervous. Of course if global warming hits by 2080 the outcome of this Lakers-Celtics finals is obviously irrelevant.
That said, I can’t help but hope that by then the Lakers will have more championships than the Celtics. This year would be a great start. I’d cross my fingers but that just causes typos.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on June 6, 2008. Read the original PDF.