IT’S SAID THAT IN SPORTS THERE IS nothing more exciting than a Game 7 of the World Series. Having just watched the Boston-Colorado yawner, the reverse might be true. There is nothing more dull than a four-game sweep, especially when one team scores a total of 29 runs and the other 10. For trivia buffs, in 1960, the Pirates beat the Yankees despite being outscored 55-27. (Mickey Mantle said it was the biggest disappointment in his career.) What’s with Boston? They go 86 years without winning a World Series and now they win every other one. That said, this series was boring with a capital B, especially for anyone west of the Rockies. Even worse were the endless promos by comedian Dane Cook, “There’s only one October.” (Is it me, or isn’t there only one of every month?) “Saturday Night Live” did a takeoff on Cook, “There’s only one October, but 300 of these promos.” Cook may be using his 15 minutes of fame, although he does have movies lined up through 2009. Fine, just no more of those promos!
The truth is, being a sports fan is a losing proposition, as the heartaches outnumber the thrills. Take my Dodgers, please. (My tribute to Henny Youngman) As of July 26, the Dodgers were in first place, and then it seemed like they didn’t win another game. And yet, they set an attendance record of almost four million fans, which is a mystery to me. It seems an awfully long way to drive just to have a Dodger Dog.
This past weekend, the UCLA and USC football teams lost. For UCLA, that’s not big news. Karl Dorrell is a great guy, just not a great football coach. But losing for USC is big news, or it used to be. If the Trojans lose a few more before meeting UCLA on Dec. 1, the winner might go to the Papa John’s Bowl. (Actually, the No. 5 PAC 10 team goes to the only slightly more prestigious Emerald Bowl.) By the way, I counted the number of bowl games for this year, it’s 32! (Almost as many as Dane Cook promos.) Papa John’s pays $300,000 to each team for appearing, whereas the BCS Championship pays $17 million! Slight difference.
In the NBA, the Lakers opened the season Tuesday right where they left off, with a loss. All summer, Kobe said if the Lakers didn’t improve markedly, he’d rather play somewhere else. They didn’t and he may. You don’t hear Jerry Buss anymore saying, “Kobe’s a Laker for life.” The death knell was the fans booing Kobe when he was introduced. Never a good sign.
As for the Clippers, until recently, they used to be the butt of jokes from late night comedians. Without Elton Brand, they may be again. Brand is out at least until January, though the NBA season is so interminably long, who knows. I haven’t mentioned pro football because we haven’t had a team since before Bill Clinton met Monica Lewinsky. Being with a professional football team puts us with other major cities like Pawtucket and Sioux City. (Rumor is Pawtucket is closer to getting a franchise than we are.) One of my readers, Mary Olivier, is so disheartened by the local sports scene that she can’t wait for UCLA basketball season. Me too. The Bruins are ranked No. 2 in the pre-season polls. (Then again, SC was ranked No. 1 in the pre-season football polls.) Mary’s wait will be over next Friday when the Bruins open against Portland. Frankly, I wish UCLA basketball had started when the Dodgers lost 13 out of 16 back on July 26.
The problem with sports isn’t just money, although the expression “the root of all evil” does come to mind. Another is the “We’re been spoiled with UCLA basketball, SC football, the Lakers and the Dodgers all winning numerous championships. Imagine the heartache of a fan in Kansas City. When have the Chiefs or Royals won anything? (On the other hand, at least they have a pro football team.) As a kid, when my team lost, I’d take it very hard. (I’m only slightly better now.) My late father used to say, “Losing builds character.” Well, I’ve had enough losing for two lifetimes. I may quit being a sports fan altogether. Whoops. Hold everything! Joe Torre is the new Dodger manager and may be bringing A-Rod with him!
I feel like Al Pacino in Godfather III, “Just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in!”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on November 2, 2007. Read the original PDF.