... Buzz knew he’d hit the Big Tyme on Tuesday, standing in line to make it legal at the DMV, doing that hurry-up-and-wait thing. It soon turned into the Heavy DMV when actor-musician Heavy D had a brush with the Buzzmeister while waiting for their numbers to be up. The Boyz would have been of no use to the hip-hop icon, cause nobody’s Livin’ Large waiting for the state’s finest to laminate their headshots. We’re all just a number in the end, Heavy, no matter how many guest spots you’ve done for the sublime situational comedy “Yes, Dear”...... Buzz can’t recall that portion of the driving test where the driver can carries on a full blown conversation in sign language while driving east on Pico Boulevard during rush hour, but there was one such adept steer seer last week. Buzz is still trying to get down that hands in the 9 o’clock-3 o’clock position thing. Talking to deaf people while driving must pose some problems for Westsiders. What do they do with their leather-sleeved cell phones, low tar cigarettes and soy extra foam lattes?...... In yet another overheard Starbucks conversation that could signal the apocalypse: A young lass with an armload of designer store packages and shopping bags was miffed while ordering her beverage. Nearby, a table of single guys and girls sat laughing with one another.
“Hey, can all of you stop laughing?” she yelled. “I’m trying to order a cappuccino!”
No buzzkills they, the guilty parties took that damn jocularity someplace else...... Spotted on Thursday, people eating turkey, and Buzz ain’t talking jive...... Buzz was walking past the construction site at Ocean Avenue and Pico Boulevard recently when there — head stuck through the fence tarp — was a curious sort of fellow. Thinkin’ said man just might be the Oz of Santa Monica, Buzz was about to ask for a third nipple when the man swung around at looked at Buzz.
“You scared me! You’d better get out of here! They’re all looking at you!”
As cars whizzed past, Buzz was reminded of the adage to be careful what one wishes for. We’d need three hands anyway...
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on November 27, 2006. Read the original PDF.