This past week, Q-line asked: Here are your responses to this week’s Q-Line question, “How should Santa Monica be branded and how should the rest of the world know about us?”
Here are your responses: TIMES BY LLOYD GARVER ✆ “Until this city cleans up its streets, benches, doorways, alleys, parks and sidewalks, there is no way to brand it a destination place for anyone seeking a vacation spot or convention venue. It is premature and delusional to think of inviting visitors to this filthy, crime-ridden and unsanitary town until it gets cleaned up. You wouldn’t invite guests to your home without cleaning up first, would you? Until the masses of bums and handout-seekers are gotten rid of, there is nothing positive to say or advertise about this city.” ✆ “A couple that you could think about would be, ‘The Promenade and Pier City,’ or ‘The Pier and Promenade City,’ or the ‘World-famous Pier and Promenade.’ Others could be ‘The Fun in Sun City,’ ‘The Fun, Sun, and Beach City.’ There’s a host of them, but I’m sure that if we’re spending money on focus groups, which is terrific, I wish I could have been a coordinator for one of the focus groups and gone to New York, Chicago and London. That would have been wonderful. I’m beginning to think that government employees have got the best of all worlds.” ✆ “Santa Monica should be branded as a world-class parking lot and home of high-priced stick-in wallboard bungalows. Only God knows how many motor vehicles Santa Monica houses and plays host to on a daily basis, thus creating a quagmire of congestion and pollution that is destined to only get worse when Playa Vista is in full swing.” ✆ “I know you don’t want any negative, although, all-too-true comments about the city, all the nice things that were and could be again, about Santa Monica, has been negated by the overwhelming bum population. To advertise differently is false advertising. I have sent my family and friends to San Diego or Santa Barbara for vacations rather than endure this awful environment.” ✆ “‘Santa Monica — where LA meets the sea.’” ✆ “How about ‘The Fascist Mini- State of Santa Monica’? Fascism is historically defined as a system of government where there is normal, private ownership of land and business, but government has de-facto ownership as it controls all use. And that sure applies to Santa Monica.” ✆ “Since everyone already knows Santa Monica for the bums, go with it. Here’s the ad: ‘Come to Santa Monica for your complete bum experience. Register on cluelesscitycouncil.com to be assigned your own very personal bum for the duration of your visit. Your bum will show you how to avoid expensive hotel bills by sleeping in parks and doorways and peoples’ yards. Your bum will show you how to save on meals by eating at the free feedings, specify either raving lunatic or half-conscious drunk. Be warned, the removal of bums from Santa Monica city limits is punishable by having to clean up a befouled alley.’” ✆ “Santa Monica — a town where business tells the residents where to go.” ✆ “I think on alternative days it should be known either as ‘South Brentwood’ or ‘Beverly Hills West.’” ✆ “‘SMRR-ville.’” ✆ “It’d probably be better if you waited until after the election to see what develops there.” ✆ “Of course, we shouldn’t call it ‘Bumsville by the Sea’ or ‘Soviet Monica,’ but we could call it ‘Fat Cat City,’ after the idiots that run it.” ✆ “This is my moniker for Santa Monica: ‘Little Paradise by the Sea.’ I’ve lived in Santa Monica 50 years and I’ve always called it that.” ✆ “Yes, my idea for a new name for Santa Monica: ‘Samolicious.’” ✆ “Here’s my branded slogan for Santa Monica: ‘Jet fuel, included free.’” ✆ “My suggestion is: “Santa Monica, the beauty and serenity found at the end of Historic Route 66.’” ✆ “My suggestion for the tagline for Santa Monica is: ‘Sandals ’n’ sea, sunshine ’n’ oui.” ✆ “I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of a good name for the city. Unfortunately, I can’t think of anything positive. The closest I can come is ‘Shelter by the Sea.’ Sorry, we just haven’t put out an image that’s anything but that, try as we may.”
“How about ‘The City of Islands,’... cement islands, that is.”
“May I suggest that it be known as ‘Southern California’s Gateway to the Surf, Sand and Sun’?” “‘Santa Monica, city of Pacific dreams.’” “‘Savvy by the sea.’”
“I would like Santa Monica to be known around the world as a place where a law-abiding pedestrian can safely cross the street in the middle of the block without fear of being molested by a government official. I recently crossed Lincoln, just south of California Avenue, and I crossed the path of what must have been a police car, safely, of course. And as it passed behind me, one of the occupants yelled at me, which was rude and uncalled-for.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 2, 2004. Read the original PDF.