By — Dorie
Dear Dorie, I’ve noticed my infant gets really fussy around bedtime. It’s almost as if she’s confused and upset with everything. Nothing seems to calm her down until she’s passed out, and by that time, I’m a wreck. It takes me at least an hour to unwind and then she’s up again a few hours later. I’m willing to try anything. What should I do? — Bedtime Blues Dear Blues, There is no doubt that sleep deprivation is a critical and rarely discussed component of parenting. Less than 10 percent of the parenting population are lucky enough to get what I call a “sleeper.” That is, a baby that sleeps through the night at about two months old and takes regular naps over an hour in length. It’s what we all want and what very few of us get. The majority, myself included, do any tap dance necessary to get our little ones all cuddly and quiet at night and then help Starbucks prosper during the day. While there is no magical cure for this, there are a few tried and true suggestions.
Set a regular bedtime, even for an infant. Establish your own nighttime ritual for at least 30 minutes prior to the desired sleep time (pathetically, mine was 90 minutes so don’t be discouraged if it takes a while in the beginning). This ritual should include a bath, some stories and/or lullabies and your own goodnight exchange. Ours is taken from John Irving and goes, “Goodnight you Princesses of the Pacific, you Queens of California, you Cinderellas of Santa Monica.” If your baby fusses at this point, go for the rocking, swaying or swinging. Keep talking during the crying, they may not hear you, but it will keep you calm. Above all, remember what my mother always said, “This too shall pass.”
Good luck. (Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392).
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 19, 2005. Read the original PDF.