As a favor, I took a friend’s 11-year-old daughter to a screening of “Herbie: Fully Loaded” and just as soon as star Lindsay Lohan appeared onscreen the girl turned to me and whispered, “She does-n’t look anorexic.” The tabloids, however, say she is. They routinely report other unflattering things about the young actress’s personal life, and whether there’s truth to any of it is immaterial.
What matters in show business is the public’s perception, and Lohan’s troubled party-girl image is so pervasive that her short but successful run as Disney’s family-fare go-to-girl (“Freaky Friday,” “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”) seems like a distant memory … even to 11-year-old girls. And that — even more than the predictable storyline, tedious action sequences and wince-inducing supporting performances — is what stalls the latest outing of the world’s most famous Beetle.
After five decades in the biz, there’s no denying Herbie’s got staying power. But for as lovable as the winking VW is, and as pretty as Lohan looks behind the wheel, this movie simply doesn’t rev the engine. Lohan plays Maggie Peyton, youngest member of a legendary NASCAR racing family. Though she’s clearly racetrack-savvy, Maggie’s overprotective pop Ray (Michael Keaton, barely hanging in there) has forbidden her from competing, instead entrusting the Peyton legacy to his bungling son, Ray Jr. (the always-unremarkable Breckin Meyer). But after Maggie rescues Herbie from the junkyard, the little car that could repays her by whup-ping arrogant NASCAR star Trip Murphy (Why, Matt Dillon? Why?) in an impromptu street race. That sets the wheels in motion for a third act rematch in The Big Race, the outcome of which is never in doubt. Everything that happens en route follows the kid-flick formula to the letter: Girl proves she’s as good as, if not better, than the guys; disapproving dad comes around and becomes her biggest cheerleader; cute boy fawns; and parents sit in the audience praying that their kid never winds up on the cover of the National Enquirer looking, well, fully loaded.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on June 24, 2005. Read the original PDF.