I SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE “laughing icon” at the top of my column because this one isn’t intended to be funny. Of course, even when I intend it, I gather some readers don’t find me that amusing, whoever “” is.
“Pay it Forward” was a movie in 2000 starring Kevin Spacey and Haley Joel Osment about a 12-year-old boy who tried to make the world a better place (The film didn’t do well, probably because it didn’t have enough sex or car chases). The boy pays it forward by doing good deeds for three strangers who he hopes will pay it forward to three others in an ever-widening circle. Actually I knew of a “Pay it Forward” in real life.
I live in a high-rise apartment building. If you reside long enough in a complex this size (750 people) you get to know your neighbors by just picking up the mail, or at the pool or in the gym. You can’t help but become somewhat involved in their lives and they in yours. Such was the case with Paul, the son of Flo and Bill Kaufman who have lived at the Shores for 30 years.
An elementary school teacher, Paul visited his parents regularly and would often swim laps in our pool, which is where we met in 1985. We would discuss politics, philosophy and, question if they had made the pool longer when the laps seemed harder. Then I didn’t see Paul for a while. I inquired of neighbors and was told he was quite ill. And not many weeks later, I was shocked to learn he passed away. Paul was only 37.
A few years before, Paul had undergone back surgery that required transfusions, this being before all blood was screened for HIV. Tragically one of the units turned out to be infected with the AIDs virus.
In little more than two months from the first symptoms, Paul died. Not long after, CBS did an expose on unscreened blood and changes were ultimately made. Sadly, too late for Paul. But it wasn’t the nature of his illness, or his passing that made Paul unique. It was how he lived his life, paying it forward. And his parents have taken up where he left off.
Paul and his wife, Kristi, graduated UCLA in 1972. Committed to helping others, they spent years in Mexico working with the poor. When they returned to Los Angeles, they got teaching credentials from Cal State Dominguez Hills. They also had a baby boy, Andy. Talk about a busy year.
Paul went to work at 52nd Street Elementary School near Vernon, where the main task for most teachers was discipline. But Paul turned out to be a pied piper. Kids gravitated to him and amazingly he was able to make learning fun through creative games (Flo even helped by coming down every Tuesday to tutor the kids with their reading skills). But nothing worked with one very difficult boy until Paul discovered that he loved model airplanes.
Never one to be defeated, Paul devised a plan. He went to hobby stores and bought model airplane kits and subtly encouraged the boy to teach him how to build one. Then Paul asked, “You’ve taught me something, now how about you let me teach you something?” Before long the boy became the best student in class. Paul was so successful that soon the Board of Education offered him a job teaching other teachers! He was in that program when he first got ill.
Paul’s funeral was at Hillside Memorial in Culver City and was very moving. It was attended by a large crowd of mourners, including former students, principals, fellow teachers and officials from the Board of Education. As Bill said to me, “The loss was felt by more than just my family.” Paying it forward, Flo and Bill set up the “Paul Kaufman Memorial Teachers Scholarship” at Cal State Dominguez Hills, where for the past twenty-three years they have helped aspiring teachers continue their education. And even better, there’s enough money in the endowment that it will live in perpetuity.
In the meantime, everyday life goes on. Kristi continues to be very close to Flo and Bill. She re-married, lives in Piedmont, and is still a teacher. She has a daughter who’s in her 3rd year at the University of Chicago. Andy is 29, which, frankly, is impossible because that means I’ve gotten really old. He runs the music department of Mahalo, a new search engine company that recently moved to Santa Monica. When I see Andy visiting his grandparents I can’t help but remember his dad. I wonder about everyone whom Paul touched and hope, in a perfect world, they are paying it forward.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 24, 2007. Read the original PDF.