By MEREDITH CARROLL’S column appears each Thursday. She meredithccar-
AS THEY RELEASED THEIR 28TH ALBUM this summer, ‘70s funk band Kool & the Gang declared there is “no age limit to being cool.” However — based on the less-than-stellar sales of “Still Kool,” and since the band last reached No. 1 on the Billboard charts in 1981 — it appears as if the group’s waning number of fans eager to cough up enough dough to keep them celebrating good times beg to differ.
Some aging superstars pull off cool with few problems. U2’s Bono wisely wears shades day and night, indoors and out — successfully masking his AIDS-fighting, world peace-seeking, still kick-ass music-making distinguished 47-year-old crow’s feet, while simultaneously demonstrating his penchant for designer sunglasses. (Included on the highlight reel of Bono’s coolness will, undoubtedly, be the recent photos of him walking on a beach and managing to keep cool while also keeping his shirt on, instead of revealing his pasty white Irish beer belly.) Liza Minnelli would do well by herself if she were to take a page from Bono’s cool book and don a pair of sunglasses. However, since the aged, er, ageless Grammy winner regularly looks as if she passed cool about as smoothly as others pass kidney stones, she’d be fooling no one into believing that it wasn’t due to 30 years of around-the-clock bloody marys, and not the glare of the moon, if she were to wear sunglasses at night.
Last month, the almost 50-year-old Madonna left her longtime record label and signed a cool $120 million deal with a concert promoter. While many pointed to the move as proof of her continued coolness, others whispered it was actually evidence that the record industry has cooled to her. Some insiders speculate the Material Girl has lost just enough of her cool that this deal — in which she’ll get paid $17 million in advance of each new album and $50 million to promote her tours — is necessary if she wants to keep making as much money on her records and selling as many concert tickets as she has in the past.
Madonna’s not the only maturing rock star eschewing traditional contracts. Paul McCartney is among the artists who have shunned the major labels (in his case, signing with the music arm of the Lord of the Lattes, Starbucks), perhaps anticipating that a mainstream deal might not have been be as brag-worthy as in the days of yore.
Also seeking an alternative, and arguably less cool route these days, are the fermenting Eagles. The band chose Wal-Mart as the sole distributor of their first album of original material in 27 years. In doing so, the ‘70s superstars also opted (to the delight of the Rainforest Alliance) to package their album with Domtar EarthChoice papers in lieu of a more useful Geritol coupon (for the benefit of their equally graying fans) in each CD jewel case.
To be fair, there’s no minimum age requirement on losing one’s coolness, as the new Eagles’ album outsold Britney Spears’ latest release last week.
Speaking of Britney Spears and losing coolness, besides the fact that the highly-manufactured pop star qualifies as a rocker only because she bought one for late night feedings in her infant sons’ nursery (and because she’s clearly off hers), the recently court-anointed “habitual, frequent and continuous user of alcohol and drugs” appeared last week at a Halloween bash in Hollywood in a pink and black tiger-striped leotard with feathers, fish-net stocking and red platform heels.
The 25-year-old can no more pull off animal prints than the senescent — yet still stunning — supermodel Cindy Crawford (who increasingly seems to gravitate towards the same leopard print ensembles as the ladies of the Islands — Long and Staten).
And, of course, no discussion of age limits and cool would be complete without Puerto Rican boy band phenomenon Menudo. The group that sold millions of records around the world managed to stay cool throughout much of the ‘70s and ‘80s by kicking out members once they turned 16, making way for younger, cooler boys. MTV is currently trying to tap back into that cool niche market again by recreating the band in a new reality show, “Making Menudo.” MTV is rolling the dice, however, by upping the age limit for band members. Only time — and subsequent ratings and album sales — will tell if allowing older members in the group allows them to be (and stay) cool.
Ricky Martin must have his fingers crossed.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on November 8, 2007. Read the original PDF.