JUDGING FROM THE E-MAILS I GET from readers, they count on me to discuss the great issues of the day. Each week, as I contemplate what to write about, I try to honor that responsibility. This may not be one of those weeks.
The news of late has been sobering: Vladamir Putin (whom Bush called “Pooty-poot”) threatens to aim nuclear missiles at Europe; the death toll in Iraq continues to escalate; and in the Republican debate, 30 percent of the candidates don’t believe in evolution. (Is this 2007 or 1907?) But for many, the urgent question is about Paris Hilton being “reassigned” from her 96-square-foot cell to her 3,300-square-foot house arrest: Is the ankle bracelet designed by Cartier?
In the end, I must follow my conscience and write about what I think is crucial for my readers to ponder. That said, Sunday is the last episode of “The Sopranos!” For those unfamiliar, “The Sopranos” is a highly successful HBO series about a New Jersey crime family. The end of the show is bad news for me, but good news for the cleaning out of my storage locker.
At the risk of being labeled a Bush-bash-er, I confess I see a comparison between “The Sopranos” and the Bushes. The idea popped into my head when I heard “W” nicknamed Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, “Fredo,” as in the weak brother from the “The Godfather.” (Hopefully, our next president will spend time on slightly more important matters than infantile nicknames!) As for the comparison, “The Sopranos” and Bush each will have had an eight-year run. One difference, I’ll miss “The Sopranos.”
Fredo, you will recall, was the Corleone’s hapless son, whom his brother Michael (played by Al Pacino) had killed during a fishing trip. One would think Alberto might take offense at being called “Fredo.” Or Karl Rove for being called “Turd Blossom.” Bush was a cheerleader in college and it’s as though he’s still in the fraternity.
In last Sunday’s “Sopranos,” Tony’s number-three man, Bobby, is brutally killed, and consigliere Silvio is on life support. Tony’s wife and children are in seclusion, and even his therapist abruptly fires him. Tony hides from would-be assassins in a flophouse, lying in the dark on a barren mattress clutching a high-powered shotgun as he tries to sleep. (And I think I have trouble sleeping?) At first, I resisted the Soprano craze, but one episode and I was hooked. It’s brilliant how characters so deserving of hate are so sympathetic. Tony, the boss of the family, is a murdering sociopath, but he’s also very human. He has a nagging wife, disrespectful kids and suffers anxiety attacks stemming from, of all things, mother issues. But when Tony’s wronged outside the family, he solves it in a decisive manner. When we have something go wrong in our lives, say a stolen election, we have to wait eight years. Whoops, there’s that comparison again.
I’m not worried about James Gandolfini post-“Sopranos.” He’s already cast as Ernest Hemingway in a movie to be released in 2008. But I worry about Bush post-presidency. He seems to have so few interests. Bush isn’t a reader (“My Pet Goat” notwithstanding). That leaves him clearing brush at Crawford, but how much can one man clear?
Bush isn’t big on travel. Before being president, the only time he’d been out of the country was to Mexico, and China with its 5,000-year civilization, which he called “boring.” Whereas Clinton is adored when he travels abroad, Bush will be lucky if all he gets thrown at him is rotten vegetables. There are only two places he’ll be welcome — Saudia Arabia and Poland. Now there’s a combination.
With an HBO time slot open, I’m thinking who better to replace the Soprano crew than the Bush crew? Tony is a mean-spirited, dictator-type. For W., it’d almost be typecasting. Uncle Junior went nuts and shot Tony. Dick Cheney has real life experience! Tony’s mother is heartless. Barbara Bush’s opinion of Katrina victims in the Superdome,“They were on welfare, so this is really working out very well for them,” makes her the perfect Olivia. I see “Turd Blossom” as Vito Spatafore, but maybe that’s just me.
For my last Bush-Soprano comparison: It’s less than 48 hours until the final “Sopranos” and I’m sorry to see the time come. Bush will be leaving office in 591 days and I’m sorry it isn’t tomorrow.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on June 8, 2007. Read the original PDF.