A s a community member who has received the beneficence of the great and far ranging wisdom of the current City Council, I would like to present the following as a gift for the continued orderly running of our fair city.
Since the City Council has decided that it is appropriate for it to determine the health and safety for the rest of the community, I would like to see it begin by setting the standard. The latest attack on personal freedoms has led me to propose the following: We should require each coun-cilmember to maintain no more than 25 percent body fat, and to adopt a heart healthy diet and exercise regimen. The AMA has declared that increased body fat can contribute to heart disease, lung disease, sleep apnea, increased health costs and early termination of life. I feel that it is only for the common good that we have a fit and healthy City Council.
We should require that our City Council exercise three times a week. The councilmembers should be made to pay for the inspection of their bodies and their personal trainers. Alternatively, they can pay a “processing fee” to avoid this hassle that is equal to $100 for each 10 pounds over their ideal body mass index, on a semi-annual basis. Failure to appear for their physical examination will result in a suspension of their salaries, and their right to speak on behalf of the city.
Additionally their diet should be regulated. They may have a choice of a Zone Perfect system or the Atkins Diet. For the vegetarians among them, they can control their own diet, if they can prove to the satisfaction of a committee comprised of a PETA member and a macrobiotic doctor, that they are maintaining a healthy weight and dietary requirements. And they should be made to pay for the professional fees and all food involved.
Of course, no councilmember should be allowed to drink alcohol and their intake of caffeine should be limited to no more than two cups in the morning and one before 5 p.m. Smoking is of course a verboten behavior, unless it is marijuana for medical purposes.
Each member should be allowed to have dessert twice a week, but only at lunch. And the tiramisu must be non-alcoholic.
Eating out should be limited to non-quick serve restaurants. No McDonalds, Jack In The Box, TacoBell, or Arby’s for them, unless they want to pay a “convenience fee” of say $2,500 for the damage they are doing to their arteries and the increased risk to the community that we might have to replace one of them.
The cost to the community of losing a councilmember is the institutional memory they carry with them. For example, Councilmember Ken Genser has been on the City Council since 1988. That will be 16 years this coming November. Sixteen years of council meetings where he listened to the complaints of the homeowners. Sixteen years where he sat and heard the business community bewail the overregulation. Sixteen years of hearing the schools complain they don’t have enough money. Can you imagine what we would lose if something happened to him? He has a wealth of institutional memory. The man is a veritable encyclopedia of local politics. The thousands of hours of hearing from the community would be lost forever. The loss would be tremendous.
We have a right to protect the city from unexpected losses. We have an office of emergency services. We have a succession plan for the council. But wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t need it? We should demand a healthy council. After all, they are demanding smoke-free parks, pier and beaches. They are demanding that the signs are all licensed and that the businesses all conform to the community standards. The City Council should be made to live up to the standards it sets for others in the community.
I think we would get a very different quality of councilmember should the above proposed legislation be enacted. We might get a council that understands that its action, or its inaction, has effects. We might get a City Council that understands the realities of homeowners and business owners. We might get good legislation, rather than the pie-in-the-sky, save-the-world policies that pass for effective governing. (David Pisarra is a business development lawyer in the Santa Monica firm of Pisarra & Grist. He welcomes your questions and comments. He or (310) 664-9969).
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on May 18, 2004. Read the original PDF.