ON TU ESDAY, SEN. LARRY CRAIG (R-Idaho) and his wife appeared on “The Today Show” with Matt Lauer. Craig, an outspoken family values critic of the “gay lifestyle,” was arrested in June by an undercover officer for soliciting sex in a men’s room at a Minneapolis airport. (Eventually, he plead guilty to disturbing the peace.) As a result, Craig held a press conference where he announced his resignation, as of Sept. 29.
But then, surprising everyone, Craig un-resigned. When that didn’t go over too well, he resigned again. But on Tuesday, he told Lauer he’s absolutely serving out the remainder of his term. With all this resigning and un-resigning, Larry Craig is the U.S. Senate’s version of Roger Clemens.
At the press conference, Sen. Craig, surrounded by his wife and children, repeated two themes: He was humbled by what had happened to him and he was definitely not gay. Craig kept repeating, “I’m not gay and never have been,” which was reminiscent of Nixon’s “Your president is not a crook.” To be fair, it’s also reminiscent of Clinton’s, “I did not have sex with that Lewinsky woman.”
Here’s one of many flies in the ointment. Right before the press conference, Craig called his lawyer, Billy Martin, and left a voice mail. He said that, while it would appear he was resigning, he had a plan to do otherwise. But, unfortunately, Sen. Craig left the voice mail on a stranger’s cell phone by mistake. (Some say there are no mistakes.) Soon, the call was all over the Internet. It was the audio version of George Allen’s “Macaca?”
I always feel sorriest for the wives. I remember Pastor Ted Haggard’s wife sitting in the passenger’s seat while Ted was talking to a TV reporter who had jammed her microphone through the car window. I’m not saying Pastor Haggard was lying, but you could almost see his nose getting longer: “I bought the drugs, but I threw them away. The male prostitute was just for a massage.” I was surprised Ted’s nose did-n’t break the windshield. And poor Mrs. Haggard looked … well, rather haggard.
Larry Craig is a Republican, but ever since this story broke, to Fox News, he’s just Sen. Craig. (As though he could be an independent or a member of the Whig Party.) Frankly, who cares if Larry Craig is gay? (Other than his wife, perhaps.) It just irks me that it’s always the pompous, chest-beaters pointing fingers at others who are the worst sinners. In 1999, Craig was on “Meet the Press.” “Bill Clinton is a bad boy, a naughty boy,” he said self-righteously. “Probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy.” His choice of words were so peculiar there was something creepy about it then, and, looking back, it’s creepier now.
To Lauer, Sen. Craig made it clear he’s staying in the Senate until his term expires. Unless, of course, there’s another bathroom incident somewhere, or the Republicans hold an ethics investigation. The latter is less likely because, while the Republicans desperately want Craig to disappear, the last thing they want is an ethics investigation. Who knows what else, or who else, is in the closet?
Ironically, the bathroom at the Minneapolis airport is only a few miles from where the Republican National Convention will be held in 2008. (I can envision protesters dressed up as port-o-potties.) The bathroom was a widely known place for anonymous gay sex. After Sen. Craig, it has become a tourist attraction. Some locals call it the “stall of shame.” Not to fear, $25,000 later, the stall dividers have been lowered to prevent future “toe-tapping.”
There is one good thing that may come out of all of this. In 2004, the Republicans effectively used the gay issue, but now I don’t see how they could ever do it again. Actually, the GOP has a long and distinguished gay tradition. J. Edgar Hoover was famous for wearing pink chiffon dresses. (It still amazes me with all the illegal and immoral things Hoover did, the FBI building still bears his name.) Roy Cohn, of McCarthy infamy, was vehemently anti-gay in public while a practicing homosexual in private. (Does it require practice?) Congressman Dan Foley was Chairman of the Committee on Missing and Exploited Children while exploiting under-age male congressional pages. Conservative Jeff Gannon was a White House reporter by day and a gay male prostitute at night.
On the Lauer interview, given the weight of the subject, the Craigs seemed to giggle a lot. That said, personally, I’m glad Sen. Craig’s staying on. Maybe now he’ll be more tolerant of others. Now there’s a novel idea. If not, for the next 15 months, he’ll be the walking, talking poster boy for hypocrisy. Heaven knows the clowns running this government can always use the reminder.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 19, 2007. Read the original PDF.