One can be the loneliest number around holidays
CITYWIDE — Something about the holidays makes Jason want to cozy up with someone special.
“The cold weather makes me want to be near someone,” said Jason, who works in a Third Street Promenade coffee shop. “I need the warmth of someone physically next to me.I need warm eyes to look into.”
It’s a feeling that millions of singles across the nation share this time of year, whether it’s because of the mistletoes dangling overhead begging for two people underneath to share a kiss; because of the cold win-tery weather drawing two lonely people together for warmth; or because of the fear of facing the parents during the holidays again without a significant other.
Though not on the same scale as Valentine’s Day — otherwise known as “Single Awareness Day”— in terms of single men and women succumbing to depression over their lack of relationships, there is a heightened feeling of a need to find someone special for Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties.
“There is a lot going on around the holidays with corporate parties and friends’ parties,” said Adele Testani, president and cofounder of HurryDate. “It’s definitely a season that is more fun if you have someone.”
The holidays serve as the perfect time to create wonderful memories and many people would want to start those memories with someone special, said Charla Howard, founder of the Santa Monica-based dating service Flirtysomething.com. It’s natural for someone to want a companion with whom they can share the experiences of the holidays. When you’re single, that feeling of being alone is more acute, Howard said on Thursday.
“It’s because they love you and they want you to be with someone,” said dating coach Liz Kelly of Santa Monica, the author of “Smart Man Hunting.” “Expectations are so high to have a happy holiday with your family and loved ones that if you don’t have a partner, it can feel like something is missing.”
This year, Jason doesn’t intend on seeking love for the holidays. His work schedule, averaging 55 hours a week, does not allow him to think about romance as much as he would like.
“If I worked 20 hours a week, I’d definitely be searching,” Jason said. “There’s something cool about the spontaneity of seeing someone right before the ball drops.”
DATING AGENTS OF CHANGE It’s a wonderful time of the year for dating agencies and it’s the reason why Howard launched her Web site in mid November.
Flirtysomething.com is an online dating site that is designed to “emulate the real-life falling in love process.” Users can create online profiles, ask friends to write testimonials and participate in “ice breaker” lounges. Users can post stories about their dream dates and their nightmare dates.
“This is my holiday gift to the single world,” Howard said. “We observed people tended to miss significant others more during this time of year than during the rest of the year.”
With holiday parties a common occurrence, HurryDate, a New York City-based online and offline dating company, does see more clients signing up around Christmas. One of HurryDate’s most popular events is speed dating parties, usually held in restaurants, where singles rotate from table to table for quick four-minute “dates.” In the next two months, HurryDate has three speed-dating parties in Santa Monica at Barcopa on Main Street.
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE “There are a hundred million singles in the United States right now,” said Kelly. “You’re not alone and you need to instead to try and take advantage of the season by meeting potential dates.
“It’s the best time of year to get out there and break the ice and meet people, because once January hits, people start to hibernate.”
For single men, Santa Monica is a great place to meet people because almost 30 percent of households have single women, Kelly said. Single women should head down to Orange County, where they will be happily outnumbered by single men.
The most important thing singles can do during the holidays is to embrace their independence.
“No one wants to be with somebody who feels blue or is a Scrooge,”warned Kelly.“If you go out with an I-love-my-life-and-I’m-not-upset-I’m-single-attitude, you’re going to have much better luck because people are going to be more attracted to your positive energy.”
Singles who don’t want to venture into parties alone should try hosting their own dinner party, suggests Julie Ferman, a Ventura County-based dating consultant who has brought together more than 1,000 couples in marriage. The dating expert has held several romance seminars in Santa Monica hotels.
“If you don’t want to be just with your girlfriend, plan a party where every girl has to bring a guy,” Ferman said on Friday.“Plan something outrageous.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 9, 2006. Read the original PDF.