IN TYPICAL SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA fashion, I went for a bike ride the other day thanks to the 70-degree weather. I was almost run down by a guy who was turning right, while looking left, and talking on a cell phone. He, of course, cursed at me. All the spirit and joy of the season has evaporated like so much morning fog at the beach.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Yes, the truth is we can make 2007 a more hospitable year by our attitudes; not just our attitudes toward work, the jerk in the Hummer ahead of us or the selfish person in front of us with 20 items in the 10 items and under lane. We can make 2007 a nicer year by going back in time.
We can do this by returning to the use of civility and proper dress. The polite use of manners and awareness of those around us. It is something that I have noticed has been steadily degrading over time.
As our society has become more ‘sophisticated,’ we have simultaneously become more informal. This sense of informality has seeped into all areas of our society. A quick trip around the dial on the TV and we see news reporters wearing jeans and crew neck shirts as they report on the latest SIG alert.
We see it in the lack of any enforced dress codes at City Council meetings — and I mean by the council members, not the public. The council as a whole, creates a very relaxed atmosphere by their not enforcing upon themselves a requirement of suits and ties for men and dress suits for female members.
I realize that this is all in the spirit of equality. That we, as a society, have a policy of making everyone feel equal and that we have to look beyond what someone is wearing to properly and fairly evaluate them. I know that if we judged people only on their clothing, or their car, we would really be judging them based on their checkbook, and that is an artificial means of deciding who is worthy and who isn’t.
We have become a society that wants to bring uniqueness to the masses, and elegance and refinement to the mass produced. The message from Madison Avenue is that everyone can be elite. The problem is that there is no consistent message.
Take P. Diddy for example (or whatever he is called now) — one day he is seen in public in an all white suit with a black tie, looking very formal and refined. Then he is seen in public in a track suit with a pound of diamonds to bring sparkle to an otherwise dull appearance.
This is why dress codes are important. Because they set a tone. They step up the level of respect that people are accorded. I know this from my own experience and from my own behavior. When I am wearing a suit, I am referred to as ‘sir’ and people are more deferential to me. I command the attention of whomever I am speaking to, and I receive a measure of respect that is greater than when I am in a polo and jeans.
I know that I treat people differently based on their mode of dress. That is a politically incorrect statement to make, but the truth is that I interact differently with men in suits than with guys in T-shirts. A man in a suit says he is serious and is commanding respect, a guy in a T-shirt says ‘no worries, it’s all good.” I don’t mean to say that I am disrespectful to the dude in a T-shirt — certainly not. Many of my clients and best friends live in T-shirts. That may not be the proper attitude for an attorney to take, but it is my experience.
Contrast the difference in your mind between the 20-year-old in a track suit whose underwear is showing, with a woman in a pantsuit. They can both be intelligent, respectful, well-mannered individuals, but the woman will get a little better treatment.
If you want respect, you command it by your demeanor and your treatment of others. One of the ways that we communicate our desire to be respected is to be dressed appropriately. I long for the days when people knew that respect was earned, and commanded it through demeanor and treatment of others.
David Pisarra is a lawyer in Santa Monica with the firm of Pisarra and Grist. He (310) 664-9969 or
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 3, 2007. Read the original PDF.