PARENTING: THE FIRST 32 YEARS WAS the hardest! Yup, learning the in’s and out’s of parentingseems to take a very long time. Knowing how to communicate, using discipline and working well with your child are always the right steps to enjoyable parenting.
There are many methods of discipline that help your child cope with each day. There are those that make your child afraid of you and there are others that effectively teach your child appropriate behaviors and help them grow up independently and with socially acceptable behavior.
Parents that use punishment as a means to discipline unruly children often find out that they haven’t changed a thing. Their child still misbehaves and has a hard time with self-control. Parents should know that there are many other types of discipline that can assist your child in handling feelings of helplessness. When your child is taught how to handle these feelings, it can better cope without having temper tantrums.
A mom, Susan, called me the other day and told me that when she left Lisa, her daughter who’s a second-grader, at her classroom door every morning, her daughter would immediately start to sob. Heavy tears and gulping sobs. Her daughter did this every single morning. Lisa didn’t want her mom to leave. Susan felt terrible and didn’t know what to do. I told Susan to try this: Before entering the school, speak to Lisa about how sad you feel each day when Lisa starts to cry.
Susan did as I advised and couldn’t thank me enough. For the first time since school started, Lisa shed two lone tears, grasped a photo of her mom and marched with her head high into her classroom. Susan can now leave Lisa at school with feelings that are nurturing and bonding with no resentment or misunderstandings. When you talk about feelings with your child, you are demonstrating to your child that you have feelings and they need to be respected.
Discipline builds self-reliant feelings within your child. When you teach your child how to tie his shoes, dress himself, brush his teeth, and comb his hair — you are also teaching him self-confidence and self-responsibility.
Discipline is also connected to good work habits. A sense of orderliness is a discipline that will serve your child well their whole lives. Respecting other’s property, privacy, feelings, and differences is another form of discipline. Your child can only benefit by having respect for others.
Linda Milo is “The Parent-Child Connection Coach.” For more information, visit www.empoweringparentsnow.com. To book a free parent coaching session, write
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 27, 2007. Read the original PDF.