RECENTLY I WROTE ABOUT THE TIME I SAW a one-legged man crawling along the sand and into the ocean where he floated contentedly. The man was a homeless Vietnam vet who lived on the Hollywood Walk of Fame near the star of his hero, Humphrey Bogart. Somehow writing about him made me wonder about the Walk of Fame. Thanks to the Internet, (and too much free time?) I was surprised by what I discovered.
Today they’re 2,500 and, get this, each honoree had to come up with $25,000. (Often the studio or record company pays the bill.) In all, 2,500 multiplied by $25,000 comes to a tidy $62.5 million. I suppose over all these years I hadn’t realized it was a business scheme. Next you’re going to tell me the Academy Awards is a... whoops.
Money aside, it still seems like quite an honor to have a star. On the other hand, PeeWee Herman has one. The most recent Walk of Fame honoree was Sean “Diddy” Combs on May 2. I can only wonder why it took so long.
I’m actually friends with someone who has a star. (No, not PeeWee or Diddy.) A few years ago, Ed Asner (“Mary Tyler Moore” and “Lou Grant”) optioned a screenplay of mine and we’ve stayed in touch ever since. Ed’s received seven Emmys and five Golden Globes. (And six hip operations) But I’m even more impressed with his politics, and how committed he is, even at 78. If there was a “Walk the Walk” section of the Walk of Fame, Ed would have to be in it, though he might be a little lonely.
It’s much easier to talk the talk. A good example is the neo-cons that led the charge for the war in Iraq. It turns out none of them ever saw combat. Or President Bush recently telling the troops how he envied their “romantic adventure.”When it was his turn,I guess it was-n’t so romantic. Forget fighting, he couldn’t even make his reserve meetings.
Reverend Jeremiah Wright was a Marine for six years and was decorated. VP Dick Cheney got six deferments.Military service wasn’t in his “priorities.” It also wasn’t for Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly, none of whom served. Surprise, surprise.
Ed paid a price for his politics. In the early ‘80s he lost a TV series (”Lou Grant”) because he spoke out about death squads in Central America. (The nerve.) But who else would be in the “Walk the Walk”? I’d have to include the late Charlton Heston, a fervent spokesman for the NRA but also for civil rights. I’d add Humphrey Bogart for standing up to the House Un-American Activities Committee. (The name alone sounds un- American to me.) And Ed Begley Jr. for being green before anyone knew what it meant and probably driving his wife crazy in the process.
Asner is actually a lot like Lou Grant, gruff, but with a big heart. After reading one of my scripts, he said that I was so talented it was an honor to know me. Not knowing how to respond, and doing a poor Mary Tyler Moore impression, I joked, “Ooh, Mr. Grant, I think I’m gonna cry.”
Dead silence. Realizing I had bombed, I thanked him for the compliment and hung up without causing further damage. For weeks I proceeded to relate Ed’s compliment to any friends or strangers who would listen.
A year later Ed was on Jay Leno in a reoc-curring segment, “Does This Impress Ed Asner?” Dressed in a tuxedo Ed judges three painfully bad amateur acts. One was an unusually overweight man who removed his underwear without taking off his walking shorts. I don’t know how he did it, nor do I care. But to my horror, Ed basically told the guy he was so talented it was an honor to know him. Still crushed the next day, I called the office. Ed’s response was, “I felt sorry for the fat guy, I didn’t feel sorry for you.”
Soon, Ed will be on “The John Kerwin Show” shot in Santa Monica. I gather he mentioned my script “The Amazing Mr. Z.” It’s on Time Warner, channel 77, 11 p.m. (Also on YouTube, “Thejohnkerwinshow.”) If Ed exemplifies “walk the walk,” what does President Bush exemplify? Yesterday, Bush acknowledged that to show his empathy with the grieving families from the Iraq war, he gave up golf. (I couldn’t make this stuff up.) “It’s just not worth it anymore to do,” Bush said. To me that’s like saying to show empathy to starving people everywhere, I’m not going to have pizza. Or rather, I won’t order certain toppings.
Bush should have his own walk of fame called WPE, worst president ever.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on May 16, 2008. Read the original PDF.