I ALREADY HAVE DECIDED ON MY NEW Year’s resolution for 2008: “Don’t wait until the last minute to write your column!” With the holidays, I’ve been too busy eating. Actually, my resolution should be: “Make sure you eat food.” My friend Alison brought over some pastries on a platter, including a piece of cherry pie and flower-shaped torts. It turns out they were real flowers but, in my holiday eating frenzy, I assumed they were deserts. Fortunately, I caught myself. Had I taken a bite of a flower, I might have checked into some sort of dessert rehab.
Frankly, I’m not sorry to see 2007 go. Each year seems crazier than the preceding one. Surprise, surprise... for me, it all started when Bush became president. Some consolation is, by this time next year, he’ll almost be gone, except for the slew of pardons he’ll be giving out.
Last week, things were more suspicious than usual at the White House. On the very day the administration attacked the New York Times for its coverage of the destroyed CIA tapes, Vice-President Cheney’s office caught on fire. After the blaze Cheney was seen outside schmoozing with the fire investigators. What I want to know is why didn’t somebody search his pockets for matches?
According to Secretary of State Condi Rice, even though 815 Americans died in Iraq, 2007 was a good year for the U.S. (Which has the same credibility of Michael Vick saying it was a good year for dogs.) Condi cited progress in Iraq, as evidenced by less sectarian violence. And yet on Christmas Eve, 24 Iraqis died, with 22 kidnapped, and on Christmas, 35 were found dead, including one American. We’re five years into the war, with nearly 4,000 Americans dead, and the cost will be in the trillions. That’s some progress.
Of course, Condi is known for questionable quotes. In speaking about Saddam in 2003, she said she didn’t want the “smoking gun to come in the form of a mushroom cloud.” As we look back, it sounds like she was eating mushrooms. When she makes these types of statements, along with Bush, and Cheney with his “last throes,” I wish I was John McEnroe and could scream, “You can’t be serious!”
Did you know that years ago Chevron named an oil tanker after Condi? I’m not saying the war in Iraq had anything to do with oil, but go on the Internet and type “A tanker is named after Condi Rice” and you’ll see the photo. Chevron quietly renamed the tanker the “Altair Voyager” when Bush appointed Condi National Security Advisor. Appearances, you know.
Bush’s New Year resolution seems to be to work on his legacy. There’s not much he’s done at home to brag about, so in 2008, W. is going to travel the world restoring America’s image. The problem is, except for in Albania and a couple other countries, he isn’t exactly loved abroad. (He isn’t exactly loved at home either.) The truth is, I don’t see how Bush will be able to leave the hotel room. Maybe he can teleconference this goodwill tour?
Psychologists claim the reason most resolutions fail is we make too many of them. That’s why I’m sticking to, “Don’t wait until the last minute to write your column.”
I’ll start next week.
JACK also writes “Channel Surfing,” a TV review column, for the Daily Press’ Current section. He
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 28, 2007. Read the original PDF.