Commuters are out of luck for a while
By SACKA SOMETHING Daily Planet Slave
The Palisades Bluffs — long feared as unstable — crumbled late Wednesday night and forced the Pacific Coast Highway to shut down, stranding thousands of motorists and displacing hundreds of homeless people who called the area home.
More than 300,000 pounds of rock came crashing down onto PCH at the north end of the bluffs at 11:59 p.m. Miraculously, no one was injured.
Civil engineers and the California State Highway Patrol estimate that PCH will be closed for at least a week. Fearing the closure will further clog the 405 and secondary streets, a barge will transport commuters on the open waters of the Pacific. Although the plan is still being hashed out, motorists will likely be forced out of their cars at the Malibu Pier, where they will be loaded onto the barge and taken to the Venice Pier. A Big Blue Bus will then take commuters to City Hall, where they will pay a $25 transportation fee. From there, commuters are on their own to get to their final destination.
“People who drive cars will once again have to pay us to get where they need to go,”
“People who drive cars will once again have to pay us to get where they need to go. This is an unfortunate accident but we’re not going to pay for somebody else’s convenience.” — said Santa Monica Mayor Dickey Boom. — DICKEY BOOM Santa Monica Mayor
“This is an unfortunate accident but we’re not going to pay for somebody else’s convenience.”
Local geologists knew it was just a matter of time before the bluffs crumbled. Beyond the fact that the intricate tunnel system dug out by the residentially challenged citizens of Santa Monica had created a hallow facade, a smoldering cigarette which ignited a bush caused the entire area to fall apart. The burning bush, it turned out, created a burn-out of the bluff’s vegetation and the root system gave way, causing the rock to crash hundreds of feet below.
Meanwhile, shots rang out in the Pico neighborhood.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way, said City Councilman Fabio Fleastead.
“We have local laws — no sleeping on the bluffs and no smoking in the parks — that are supposed to prevent natural disasters like this from happening,” he said. “I know we’ve taken a lot of heat in the past over these laws, but now the public must realize how ignorant they were in thinking we didn’t know what was best for everyone.”
Emergency crews responded to the scene within an hour of the natural disaster — due to traffic calming. But when authorities found no one injured, they headed to the next emergency call, knowing it would take at least another hour to get to the Mid-City area where a group of Republicans had assembled and looked suspicious.
“Wilshire Boulevard is a real clusterf---k,” said Fire Chief Saul Thehorn. “But in the name of having traffic calm in our progressive city, our response time is secondary.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2004. Read the original PDF.