Where to mingle when you’re single
By AMY KAUFMAN Special to the Daily Press
CITYWIDE — There you are,quietly sipping your vodka martini and minding your own business when it happens. He’s Mr. Rico Suave, dressed in an overpriced suit and all-too flashy tie. He motions his finger towards the bartender, indicating a fresh round of drinks for the both of you.
Then he leans in and whispers in your ear:“If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.”
Leaving the bar and letting out a sigh, the scene is enough to make most single Santa Monicans wonder: Isn’t there any better place in the city to find a mate?
With so many beautiful residents that are single and ready to mingle, it would seem that living in Santa Monica would present a prime opportunity to find that certain someone.Still,one can easily become tangled up in the web of cheesy pick-up lines and free drinks at local bars and clubs if there’s seemingly no alternatives.
“There’s never been a better time for singles looking for love,” believes Julie Ferman, a dating coach who has taught the “Single in LA” seminar at the Santa Monica DoubleTree Hotel. “It’s not a disease to be single anymore, as it was in June Cleaver’s day.
“A lot of people complain about being single in Los Angeles,” said Ferman. “We’re all so busy and spread out here, and somebody in Hermosa Beach doesn’t want to date someone who lives in Oxnard.”
Ferman, whose dating service, Cupid’s Coach, has secured more than 1,000 marriages, encourages her clients to continue talking to others despite the odds, honing their skills as “natural flirts.”
But even when attraction strikes, sometimes the words are hard to come by.
“All conversations are based on observations,” explained David Wygant, the renown dating coach who is paid an exorbitant $10,000 per weekend by his celebrity clients. “Are you behind someone in the grocery store who has a carton of ice cream? Tell them you haven’t had that flavor in a long time.”
Whatever you do, said the author of “Always Talk to Strangers,”make your question open-ended, so that whomever you approach has the appropriate chance to respond.
“People also always try to practice talking to strangers that they’re really attracted to,” said co-author Bryan Swerling. “We try to encourage them to practice conversation before approaching that one person you want to date, so that when you do make the move, you’re not nervous.”
LET THE GAMES BEGIN Wygant has his favorite singles walk outlined: “Walk Montana, grab a cup of coffee at Peet’s.Main Street on Sundays is great,especially when the Farmers’Market is there.Say ‘Hi’to someone while in line for the omelet guy. Abbott Kinney is fun to hang out at at night, with the art galleries and bookstores too.”
Locals seem to be ogling more than shapely laptops at the Apple store on the Third Street Promenade, a hopping retail outlet that has become the epitome of hip. Gone are the days of the geek stereotype which pervaded computer culture.
“There’s something about Apple that’s just cool and fun,” said Albert Meijer, who has been an employee at the location for just over a year.
Meijer should know. He recently met his girlfriend while on the job.
Marina Castro, 22, was only planning on picking up a new iPod when she walked through the store’s glass doors, but instead, she picked up Meijer.
“I saw him and thought,‘Wow, that guy is so cute,’” recalled Castro.
A native of Brazil, Castro only recently moved to the U.S., living in Venice for the past five months. After moving to the Westside, she visited the store often in an attempt to meet new people, noticing the social nature of its visitors.
“Every single time I went and sat down in one of the seats, someone came to talk to me,” she shared.
The plethora of people coming in to use the computers as a veritable Internet cafe adds to the casual environment.
“Most people come in to use MySpace or AOL Instant Messenger, unfortunately,” noted Nathaniel Meek, an Apple employee for just one week.“Look, there’s a guy taking a picture of his abs with the webcam.”
Attractive people often enter the store, according to Meek, who gushed about actress Kate Beckinsale’s visit last week.
For Castro, the computers offer a nice “excuse” to talk to others in the store, who said that conversations within its confines seemed more authentic.
“It’s different when you go to a bar or nightclub,” she sighed.“People just want sex, and it’s hard to find a boyfriend there.”
Castro’s tactics seemed to work. “We’ve seen each other every day since she gave me her number,” Meijer said of the fateful Oct. 4 day.
DOUBLING UP IN THE MOST UNUSUAL WAYS Another unlikely “hot spot” is the Outdoor Antique & Collectible Market near Santa Monica Airport, a flea market held on the first Sunday of every month. Though one might not expect to find the trendiest individual sifting through worn furniture, market promoter Eleanor Hedge likened the event to “one big Country Club.”
“There are lots of savvy looking guys and beautiful girls,” she laughed. “I’m old, but I can still look at them.”
The market serves as a great spot for those who hold similar interests to meet, while simultaneously enjoying the outdoors.
Over at Joslyn Dog Park, on Seventh Street and Kensington Road, it wasn’t just singles who were interacting. Even on a slow Friday afternoon, the park welcomed many, along with their dogs, to the grounds.
“There’s lots of co-mingling,” said Frances Louie, a non-single observer. According to the co-parent, the dog park attracts more couples and elders than the younger crew.
“But if I were single, I might flirt here,” Louie laughed.
In her visits to the park, Louie has even picked up a few tricks of the trade, sharing that another person’s dog might be part of the mate selection process.
“If you have something up your sleeve, the dog will sniff it out right away,” she said, adding that there’s dog park etiquette as well.
“It’s impolite to ask a person’s name before your dog’s.”
Too many rules to that game? Singles may try their hands in another over at the AMF Bay Shore Lanes bowling alley on Pico Boulevard. There, glow-in-the dark extreme bowling on weekends allure groups of youngsters, often from UCLA, eager to strike one down.
“If a hot chick comes in, guys will check her out,”said employee Kevin Stein,who was handing out bowling shoes Monday afternoon.
A bowler since 1986, Stein says he’s observed the ways in which competition can “get the blood and adrenaline pumping.”
“There were times when everybody was sleeping with everybody,” Stein chuckled.
Today, the alley is home to more couples teams and night leagues, though the employee noted that Wednesday quarter mania — where games cost a mere 25 cents — prove popular with the single sect.
Funkier twists on classic meeting spots such as the bowling lanes seem to attract individuals in Santa Monica. One such place is UnUrban Coffee House at 3301 Pico Boulevard. The joint isn’t your typical Starbucks, with painted murals strewn across the wall in bright colors and worn couches lining the back room.
“It’s a good place for conversation,” said Brandon Riker of the independent Coffee House. “It’s a Cannery Row kind of place... it exudes [John] Steinbeck.”
With a full menu served until midnight, later hours attract those looking to schedule dates and meetings at any time of the day.
Nightly events also bring in an eclectic group, some participating in the House’s open mic nights and poetry readings.
“There’s a beat, not necessarily hippie, but very environmentally friendly, free-speech vibe here,” said Riker, an employee at UnUrban for about a year.
But UnUrban isn’t only home to tree huggers. Many screenwriters hold their script readings at the Coffee House, including the producers of the hit-television show “24,” said Riker.
“Many people have fallen in love and broken up here,” he smiled. “There are a few really sweet little couples who have come out of the shop.”
“Coffee shops are a huge opportunity to meet new people,” said dating coach Liz Kelly, author of “SMART Man Hunting.”
LET’S GET PHYSICAL Kelly recommends a local bike club she has seen cycling by — such as Shifting Gears — as a fun place to meet singles.
“You have 100 people, mostly men, meeting every Saturday morning,” she said.“Why not get on a bike and ride out there?”
Getting physical can lead to getting intimate,according to John Casesse,the owner and namesake of Dance Doctor on Fourth Street.
“A lot of single people come to our classes,” the Dance Doctor noted. “It’s an excellent way to interact with someone prior to dating them.”
Casesse believes dancing with someone lends itself to learning another person. In partner dancing, where the man leads, the teacher said women are able to gauge whether or not the man is a good leader.
“She can see if he’s aggressive or assertive enough,” Cassese said.
On the other side of the coin, the lady must learn to become more passive, something he asserts is “more difficult in today’s world” of working women.
Furthermore, alcohol doesn’t impede the getting-to-know-you process, he said.
Another suggested athletic pursuit is yoga, an activity which invites fit and clear-minded individuals to its classes.
“People do make friends here, but I don’t really see people coming in to get a date,” said Bruce Bair, owner of Santa Monica Yoga on Ocean Park Boulevard.
“This isn’t the kind of place where you have to put on your makeup,” he said.
At Yoga Works on Main Street, manager Marnie Castor said she has noticed a “tight community of people” forming through the activity.
“I would advise single guys out there to come in,” she laughed, referring to the high percentage of women who participate in yoga classes. “If a young, cute guy comes in, some girls might try to join his class.”
Those feeling a tad overwhelmed by all the options might simply try to help someone else out by volunteering at a local organization, and perhaps wait for a little good karma.
“It’s the healthiest way to meet somebody,” said Joanna Vasquez, who has been the Director of Volunteers for 20 years at Meals on Wheels, a group which provides nutritious meals for homebound people. “You can find decent people who are doing good deeds with no strings attached.”
Coach Kelly agreed, stating that not only do “you feel good about volunteering, but you already have something in common with your fellow participants.”
EMBRACING THE LA SCENE “It is difficult for the average Joe in L.A. to stick out because of the entertainment industry,”Swerling admitted.“There’s a lot of beautiful people out and everyone’s trying to get somewhere. It can be a little intimidating.”
And the recent series of technological advances don’t help the matter, Swerling said, with cell phones and iPods making people seem even less approachable.
To avoid pretentious attitudes, he suggests breaking through people’s “shell” by showing genuine interest in the conversation.
“If you see somebody you’re really attracted to, don’t wait more than three seconds to approach them,” Swerling said. “If they reject you, learn to accept that not everyone in the world is attracted to you.”
If you’re still at a loss, “use Los Angeles to your advantage,” advises dating guru Ferman, who suggests using city-centric locales like sushi bars to meet others.
“You can just look over at someone’s sushi and ask what they’re eating,” she said.
If you’re ready to make your move after all this flirting, make the jump to asking someone out on a date smoothly with Wygant’s advice.
“If you’ve had a good conversation and actually listened to somebody, you bring it back to something interesting in the conversation and say you’d love to continue talking about the issue at a later date,” he suggests.
“Oh, and guys,” Wygant adds at the last moment. “If you want to meet a woman, please dress better. I see these guys wearing their cell phones on their belts with Bluetooths in their ear... like those geeks are gonna get a date.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 9, 2006. Read the original PDF.