By Mark Shepherd Santa Monica
(Re: The downtown ficus trees) That’s right. Nobody move. We got him. Without a federal grant! Yeah, he’s still alive. No, you can’t talk to him!
Here’s what’s gonna happen: You do this, the stump lives — comeback ficus of the year. Mess with us, stumpie no mo’. Got it?
Save the stump? The ransom: New work gloves, an electronic foot massage machine and $2,000 sewer repair! Leave it all in a plastic non-recyclable bag (or Styrofoam box) at the end of the Santa Monica Airport runway, near where they should expand for even bigger jets and demolish all those homes.
Do this by Friday. Alone. No City Council. No gadflies. No T-shirts. We’ll know.
Chop, chop.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 17, 2007. Read the original PDF.