Slackariason/Daily Planet
It was discovered on Monday that the local government has been working secretively with national officials to drug Santa Monicans into complacency. An elaborate plan was unleashed on Jan. 1 that involves commercial airlines traveling over the city, releasing healthy doses of lithium into the local air. This photo shows what appears to be Chemtrails, a common sight from jet airliners’ exhaust. But the Daily Planet has learned it’s really a lithium-based by-product that is evenly distributed throughout the city. Heavier does will be spread where city rulers feel the population needs to ‘chill out.’ The project, the first of its kind, was created because Santa Monicans were getting a bit high strung and neurotic. Lithium, a known anti-psychotic, should help in keeping people a bit more relaxed. Officials first got the idea after they began putting flouride in the city water last year in an effort for all Santa Monicans to have bright, clean and healthy smiles.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2003. Read the original PDF.