Preparing parents for risky behavior
VIRGINIA AVENUE PARK Fifteen-year-old Nick is in trouble — his grades are dropping, he’s lost interest in extracurricular activities and he was recently caught smoking marijuana in the locker room.
What sort of action should Nick’s parents take to protect their son?
How parents should deal with scenarios such as this vignette was the topic of a community workshop sponsored by the Service Planning Area 5 (SPA5) Council on Thursday night. SPA5 is part of the Los Angeles County Children’s Planning Council, an advocacy group for children’s services.
It’s a problem that many parents face as their child transitions from middle school to high school — a time when children must leave the safe confines of their middle school and familiarity and embark on a new chapter that involves thousands of new faces and new experiences.
Led by a panel of probation officers, teenage counselors, a single mom and a former resident of the juvenile justice system, the workshop addressed issues that could later spell trouble in a teenager’s life — peer pressure, bullying, alcohol, drugs, depression and gangs.
The workshop was well attended by a local and diverse audience of all races and economic backgrounds. Held in Virginia Avenue Park, near where 20-year-old Miguel Martin was shot and killed late last year by a suspected gang member, the workshop entitled “Our Youth at Risk” also seemed to hold an emphasis in how children could avoid getting caught up in the gang culture.
The main suggestion relayed to parents was to remain involved in their children’s lives and to not be afraid to take action. It was suggested that parents enroll their children in after-school programs, keep in close contact with the children’s teachers and even administer drug tests to their children if needed.
“It first starts at the home,” said Greg Bell, a youth trainer for the Children’s Planning Council, who has been involved with community outreach since the age of 17 when he left the Juvenile Justice System. Bell credits churches for keeping him straight and helping him find a new direction in life.
A parent might think that their child is in the worst nd most troubling situation possible, but if the child is still at home and looking their parents straight in the eye, the parents still have a chance, Bell assured the audience.
Never lose hope that a teenager will find their way, said Ansar “Stan” Muhammed, an executive director for Venice 2000.
“It’s never too late to attain a full meaningful life,” Muhammed said.
Muhammed has the life story to back up his claim, speaking as a former gang member, ex-convict, drug dealer and user. He is one of the cofounders of Venice 2000, a gang intervention and prevention organization.
If parents are having trouble, they can turn to religion, he said.
“Once you put the spirit in the kid so they can fear God, they’ll respect their parents,” Muhammed said.
Parents split up into seven groups and were assigned a different vignette to analyze. Each group then compiled a list of questions to address to the panel regarding how they would handle the situation outlined in the vignette.
The vignettes were based on real-life situations that a panelist or someone they know had experienced. At least two of the vignettes came from Panelist Patricia Barnett, a single mother of three children and a community liaison for the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health’s STD Program.
The scenarios covered everything from teenage depression as a result of bullying to bad grades to peer pressure.
One of Barnett’s vignettes described a scenario in which she found difficulty in enforcing house rules on her eldest son, who used his size to intimidate his mother. Her biggest fear, according to the vignette, was that her son would use his anger on the streets in a way that would land him in jail some day.
In answering an audience question on how the panelist would handle the situation, the first question that Muhammed asked was whether or not the teenager had a father.
In fact, many of the challenges that a teenager faces stems from the absence of a parent, specifically a father, said Bell, who stressed the importance of a male role model in a son’s life.
“I don’t think a [single] female could raise a son better than a [single] man could,” Bell said.
Bell, who spent two years in the Juvenile Justice System, said he was raised by a single mother and did not find any peace in his life until he met a male role model after leaving the system. When Bell saw that his role model had a steady career, money and a family, he realized he wanted to turn his life around.
Many of the parents who came to the workshop did so because they were experiencing a similar situation with their children at home. Lalida Nakatani, a single mother whose child is an eighth grader at John Adams Middle School, fears the experiences her child will face next year as a freshman at Santa Monica High School.
“I wanted to find out what kind of influences that my daughter will face when she gets to high school,” Nakatani said, as she picked up a stack of pamphlets on afterschool programs and counseling.
Nakatani attended an international private school in Indonesia that was attended by the children of politicians and ambassadors. She often feels a disconnect with her daughter, who was born in America and often says, “Mom, you just don’t understand.”
“I took a lot of notes and will make copies and pass them out for my friends who couldn’t make it,” Nakatani said.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 10, 2007. Read the original PDF.