There’s no mistaking what “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” is about: Promoting Lindsay Lohan’s pop music career. After all, as Hilary Duff has shown us, Disney prefers that its teen queens multitask — all the better for the bottom line. Little girls will no doubt be entertained by this ridiculously predictable fairy tale about a wanna-be diva who is uprooted from her hip New York digs, whisked away to the boonies of New Jersey (where presumably, dreams go to die) and forced to reinvent herself while battling the popular clique. Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before.
Lola (Lohan) has her sights set on Broadway, but soon finds her view obstructed by the New Jersey turnpike. Lola doesn’t fit in with the popular girls at her new school, despite being prettier and smarter than all of them (heaven forbid they cast an ACTUAL misfit to play a misfit) and winds up becoming best buds with geeky girl Ella Gerrard (Alison Pill, late of “Pieces of April”). The dweebish duo share a love of the “punk” band Sidarthur, who rock harder than Rick Springfield … but not much harder, since this is a Disney flick. And wouldn’t you know it that Lola befriends the band’s lead singer Stu (Adam Garcia) and that she wins over her tormentors and comes to realize that it’s not about where you are, but who you are. That’s a valuable lesson, kids. Now, go buy the soundtrack.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 20, 2004. Read the original PDF.