I almost killed an 18 month old child yesterday.
No, I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t speeding. I wasn’t talking on the phone and driving. I wasn’t trying to shave and tie my tie at the same time as I drove. I wasn’t eating. And I wasn’t reading a book.
I was coming out of my subterranean garage, at my normal rate of speed which allows me to get up the slight ramp, and then come to a complete stop before going into the street. My street normally has very light traffic, so people feel free to speed down it regularly. Since I have lived here more than seven years, I know enough to go slow coming out of my garage.
No, what almost cost this child her young life, and me the life that I lead now, is the fact that this rather boisterous, quite happy, apparently well taken care of child was allowed to run a mere three feet in front of her mother. Now this is not the greatest case of child endangerment I have ever seen, so no one should go calling Gloria Allred to press criminal charges on the mother. It is normal for a parent to let a child run free, but they usually do it in areas where there is grass and the visibility is high. They used to be called parks and I don’t know if they exist anymore.
But it just got me thinking about what a weird world we live in that practically everything we do is governed by, controlled by and regulated by the government, yet the most important thing we do as humans — raise another human being — has almost no regulations.
The government regulates industry to “protect the naïve from the unscrupulous.” We have basic competency tests for everything from driving, (and we know how well that works) to embalming. Seriously, a funeral director must pass extensive testing to get their license. How much harm can you really do to a cadaver?
A 10-month-old child died this past week. He was baked in his father’s car. His dad is a professor at UC Irvine. One presumes that this man is an educated, capable individual. My prayers are with him and his family. This is a tragedy. I cannot fathom the depth of their loss, nor how it is possible to forget that you have left a 10-month-old in a car. Clearly it’s possible, though. It seems to happen at least once a summer.
Would a parenting license have prevented this death? Who knows, maybe, maybe not. I wonder whether Gloria Allred will come out fighting for childrens’ rights on this one, screeching for the father’s head on a stake, or will she defend the father, saying that the state is at fault for not requiring him to be licensed and therefore he should be found innocent of child endangerment because the state abdicated their responsibility to properly prepare him for fatherhood.
We require our food handlers to attend quality and safety classes to make our French fries and to ensure that the mayonnaise is kept cold enough. Our police are essentially handcuffed themselves in what they can and cannot do to protect us. They are just this side of impotent because of government regulations which require them to enforce insane and inane laws, yet prevent them from protecting society at large.
The government dictates to all of us how fast we can drive, how drunk we can be in public, and whether or not we can get married (the gays can’t because that would bring an end to civilization as we know it, how I’m not exactly sure, but Pat Robertson and our President say so, so it must be true.) But get a woman pregnant and you are entitled by the state to raise that child without any education or parenting skills required.
We let anyone who can convince another person to get undressed, the privilege of being a parent. No age requirements, no basic skills testing, no classes have to be taken. You don’t even have to take a first aid course. I think this is absurd. I have to take ongoing education to maintain my life insurance license, the state bar requires attorneys to do minimum continuing education and interior decorators have to attend ongoing education.
I should disclose that I do not have children. As a gay man, my boyfriend and I might or might not have children. For us it is a choice that requires extensive thought, consideration, discussion and agreement that we are willing to make the sacrifices necessary. We go round and round on the subject. Sometimes we want kids, sometimes we want to achieve our goals in life and experience that carefree life of sin and luxury that George Bush and Jesse Helms are convinced we lead. It is not at all probable that one day I will come home and be told, “honey we’re having a baby” unexpectedly.
I wish it was like that for more couples. I have seen too many parents who abdicate their responsibility in raising their children and then they wonder what happened.
The right to bring children into this world is a cherished one. And one that is considered to be a birth right of all human beings. But frankly I don’t see what would be so wrong about requiring that all humans, once they hit puberty, are required to be on mandatory contraception until they have passed a written exam and done clinical work with trained professionals to learn basic child rearing skills before they are entrusted with another person’s life.
I think if someone can prove that they are capable at 16 years old to be a parent, they should be allowed to. I just don’t think it will happen all that often. Is it really all that wrong to prevent a child from having a child? We won’t let them drive, or do something important like vote, though at 18 they are old enough to die in a war, just not pop a beer, so why do we let them have children? The government has regulated areas of people’s lives for centuries, perhaps it is time that they take a look at this arena.
This is all really facetious. Clearly no government would consider regulating the raising of children to the extent that I am speaking of and I for one do not want the government in my bedroom. But would it really hurt us to require that expectant parents attend some kind of class?
It’ll never work. It’s as silly as a balanced budget. (David Pisarra is a partner in the Santa Monica law firm of Pisarra & Grist. He welcomes questions and (310) 664-9969 or e-mailed at DPISAR-).
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 12, 2003. Read the original PDF.