Note to the braintrust of the religious right: When the foundation of your opposition to abortion rights and stem cell research become the key components to the plot of a Michael Bay movie, it might be time to revise your lobbying strategy. In “The Island,” Hollywood’s reigning shlockmeister posits that in the near future, human beings will be cloned and harvested for body parts by evil scientists operating at the behest of the fabulously wealthy. This can only mean it’ll never, ever happen.
Note to Michael Bay: Impressively, you held out for nearly an hour before adrenaline over came you and you started blowing everything to smithereens, including what was shaping up to be the most interesting story you’ve ever taken on. Alas, the relentless sensory drubbing delivered in the film’s second half, along with the ridiculously implausible resolution, should render all but the frat-slappiest of filmgoers numb.
Note to Scarlett Johansson, who reportedly protested over not being allowed to go topless in a love scene with co-star Ewan McGregor: We’re with you on the nudity, SJ. The R rating would have helped office sales.
Note to the hordes of big corporations who paid heavy currency for product visibility: You wasted your money. “The Island” represents the most egregious example of product placement overkill in film history. Audience backlash seems inevitable. (Rated PG-13 for intense violence and action, some sexuality and language. Running time: 127 minutes)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 22, 2005. Read the original PDF.