IT’S EMBARRASSING HOW DEPENDENT I am on my computer. I don’t even like writing grocery lists longhand. Composing this with pen and paper would feel like taking a chisel to stone. Shakespeare wrote all his plays with a quill on parchment. How did he do rewrites without a “cut and paste” button?
I’m also lost without my high speed Internet connection. If it goes haywire, I go haywire. I’ve memorized the steps to fix my modem with greater alacrity than the steps of what to do during an earthquake. Great, I’ll be buried under a pile of rubble but I’ll still have my broadband.
The worst moment of a computer problem is calling a service tech via an 800 number. That means India, the country to which we’ve outsourced everything short of take-out food. Outsourcing … was invented to maximize corporate profits, weaken unions, and screw the American worker. Other than that, I’ve got no problem with outsourcing.
When you call a tech in New Delhi, adding insult to injury is the recorded message, which drones on forever. It’s worse than Tom Cruise’s video on Scientology. Well, almost. If I didn’t have a speakerphone I’d shoot myself or at least my computer.
Finally you get a live person whose first language is Hindi but who speaks English flawlessly, albeit with an East Indian accent. They always remind me of Peter Sellers in “The Party.” Rent it, you’ll see. The tech identified himself as “Roy” and politely asked me questions as though reading from a script. Because he was reading from a script, my guess is his name wasn’t Roy, it was Ravi. After every failed step Roy remained annoyingly optimistic, “Not to worry,” he said over and over. Easy for him, he’s getting paid while I’m getting an ulcer.
But outsourcing is no picnic for India, or rather, for the 1.6 million who work at call centers. As reported by the Associated Press, those working nights answering calls from the U.S. face sleep disorders, heart disease, depression and family discord. Is that all? Much of it’s from the estimated 1/3 of calls from the U.S. that include obscenities. (Not me, I swear! No pun intended.) In 2005 all these illnesses cost Indian taxpayers an estimated $9 billion in lost productivity which could grow to a staggering $200 billion over the next 10 years. Yes, but did I mention corporate profits were up?
Outsourcing is a disaster here at home, too.After turning a record surplus into record deficits as only he can, Bush finally acknowledged, “We face some economic challenges.” (Is he sharp or what?) Apparently when you wage an unnecessary war there’s a cost. (Yeah, $10 billion a month.) Today the Iraqi Defense Minister said we have to stay until 2018, so you do the math. Bush has already maxed out our China credit card only now we can’t afford the “minimum monthly payments.” (What’s next, Chinese bill collectors calling at dinner time?) George Bush and Paris Hilton have one thing in common. Both their fathers warned them.
As for outsourcing, common sense says if the jobs stayed here, Americans would use their wages to buy American goods and services and fuel America’s economy. As it is we’re fueling India’s. It’s no wonder Ravi says, “Not to worry.”
It’s often quoted, “Learn from history or be doomed to repeat it.” At its height, the Roman Empire was so stretched they used mercenaries to do their fighting which lead to their downfall. Today in Iraq we’ve have 160,000 Blackwater “contractors” who seemingly are answerable to nobody. I don’t know why Congress allows a private army. I guess they’re too busy with steroid investigations. Frankly, I’d rather see Cheney testify under oath sooner than Roger Clemens.
What’s happened to America during the last seven years is tragic. We used to inspire the world, now we bully it. In centuries past, utilizing the genius of our entrepreneurs, we invented the light bulb, the automobile and the plane. Today, all that famous American ingenuity can muster up is outsourcing, seeing how little some poor bastards in sweat shops around the world will work for. Outsourcing, Iraq and the approaching recession will be Bush’ legacy. Not exactly the stuff of Mt. Rushmore.
So what does all this mean to Santa Monica? Hopefully nothing, but I wouldn’t count on it. In fact with India’s economy booming, and ours edging toward recession,soon they may be outsourcing their jobs to us. That said, I wonder what’s Hindi for “not to worry.”
JACK also writes “Channel Surfing,” the TV review column which appears in the entertainment section. He
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 18, 2008. Read the original PDF.