By Daily Planet Slaves
Santa Monica’s ruling party wants to kick some ass.
The group, in conjunction with the Angry Rich, announced on Monday that it will start a new tradition in the city: a classic, “West Side Story”-style street brawl between the two groups that both hope will go a long way toward deepening this society’s already-entrenched divisions.
The “First Annual Class Bash” will feature weapons of any size and shape — including German luxury cars, which was a sticking point with the Angry Rich — and is scheduled to take place next weekend at high noon.
At a press conference Monday, officials from Santa Monicans Everywhere Are Always Right gathered with representatives of the Angry Rich, who attended via conference phone from Zurich, to flip a coin to decide the battle’s location. SMEAAR won, so the fight will take place at Virginia Avenue Park instead of along the treacherous curves of Adelaide Drive.
“We couldn’t be happier with this arrangement,” said Kenny Iminsane, SMEAAR ruler, just after getting a parking ticket. “We get to bust-up some richies and all the profits are going to charity.
“I’m gonna pop a cap in somebody’s ass.”
The Angry Rich had no comment.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2003. Read the original PDF.