By MATTERS BY JACK NEWORTH
There’s an old Chinese proverb, “He who can laugh at himself, will never run out of things to laugh at.” That was told to me by my friend, Steffi, who is neither old nor Chinese. I mention it because of my column last week. I jokingly suggested landlords might serve complimentary sausage and egg breakfasts to rent-control tenants to clog arteries to kill them and speed up the fair market process. The next day, I got a call from my landlord who asked if I had enjoyed the breakfast he left. It made me laugh and I now offer a public tip of the comedy chapeau.
My landlord also mentioned that soon our pool may be non-smoking — the pool area that is, as very few people smoke while swimming. I was glad. My mother smoked all her life, so I have compassion for smokers, but my lungs don’t. More than once I’ve been in the jacuzzi only to have a neighbor smoke a cigar. Suddenly relaxing becomes secondary to breathing. It’s always backfired when I’ve asked, “Would you mind not smoking that cigar?” Of course they mind. Upsetting non-smokers may even be part of the pleasure.
The recent Surgeon General’s report says there is no safe amount of second-hand smoke. This past Tuesday, the City Council voted 5-1 to have staff draft an ordinance banning smoking in all outdoor dining, areas within 20 feet of buildings open to the public, the Third Street Promenade and the Farmers’ Markets. As it is now, outdoor dining is the smoking section. Eating outside can be so pleasant until a cloud of smoke hanging in the air kinda kills the bon apetit. It’s ironic politicians brought this up. What’s politics without a smoke-filled room? A Nicorette-gum filled room doesn’t quite have the same ring.
I admit it’s tough these days for smokers because in Santa Monica, and many other jurisdictions, they are becoming an endangered species. Here smoking is prohibited in parks, parts of the pier, and the beaches, which thankfully are turning from ashtrays into beaches again. Who can forget lying on the sand only to realize you’ve got a butt up your butt? Or going to a bar to socialize only to come home with the fragrance of Marlboros embedded in your clothes. Forget washing or dry cleaning, burning was the only real solution.
Passion on the smoking issue can make debate on the war in Iraq look lukewarm. A ban at our pool might not be so easy. Some smokers are already vowing they will hire an attorney. My friend Michael, a non-smoker, discounts the Surgeon General’s report, and claims that this is a civil liberties issue. He wants to get the ACLU involved. I suppose it’s about time someone came to the defense of the poor, maligned tobacco companies.
The smoking issue reminds me of the global warming debate. Speaking of which, I’d smack the next person who tells me global warming is just a theory, but it’s so hot I don’t have the energy. The debate goes back to the ’50s when TV commercials claimed smoking was healthful because of the relaxation effect. Denying a relationship between smoking and cancer, the tobacco companies cited studies done at the... Tobacco Institute. As the comedians say,“I don’t make this stuff up.”
As the date for the smoking ban at our pool nears, tensions may rise. I just hope flippers and floaties don’t become lethal weapons. We have become such a divisive culture I suppose smoking is no exception. Smokers feel persecuted, non-smokers feel violated. While I’m definitely in the nonsmoker camp, I hope this piece doesn’t add to the rancor. After my column last week I got a call from my landlord.Who knows, this week I may get one from the Tobacco Institute? (Jack Neworth is a freelance writer in Santa Monica who, when not dodging cigarette smoke,)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 28, 2006. Read the original PDF.