The Scoundrel takes on ‘roids
I REALLY HOPE THAT THE STRIKE IS NOT settled by awards season. I am an American that is anti-union. I have a distaste for the self-important ego maniacs they derive from. I don’t have a family, and won’t for some time, but when I do have one I won’t be out in the streets playing a violin because of a strike. If and when I write movies, I will never join the union. I know this will forsake the “big names” I could potentially work with and have in my films, but “the names” really aren’t that great anyway.
Not crossing picket lines is this big caboodle of respect that is doled out to the SAG, DGA and others of their ilk. They are all disdainful of each other behind closed doors and are all looking at this WGA strike as a way and a blueprint to play checkers with the powers that be and the people at large. Average Joe certainly doesn’t care about some silly actor, writer, or director who can’t earn enough in an over-paid business. Just as a Hollywood person doesn’t care about a metal workers strike. All I care about is that the awards shows all do away with their hosts and horrible writers. Gil Cates, longtime Oscar telecast producer, looks forward to a non-host, non-schtick, all-awards format. Higher ratings would be expected and thus ad rates would be at a higher financial premium, leading to more revenue. I like his posturing, and I really hope there is some teeth to his threats.
This weekend should be a real battle at the box office. From now until Christmas Day several high-profile and long-awaited films will enter into the pantheon, many already carrying high expectations for awards. Others are just common-man schlock, “National Treasure: Book of Secrets”. Frequent sellout Nic Cage is back for the sequel. The original film “National Treasure” exposed secret societies and Freemasonry, however, one should never believe the movie version of events. This film is cow dung just like the one that preceded it. High-ranking Freemasons must have gotten to husband and wife screenwriters Cormac and Marianne Webberley and shaken them both down. No more cinematic depictions of Freemasonry, true or false-flag, thank you. Alas, the film will open with around $50 million at the box office. “I Am Legend” will be number two, probably dropping 50 percent to $35 million. The futuristic horror thriller has secured its place as the top-grossing film of the holiday season. Also opening this week is John C. Reilly’s “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story”, Hillary Swank’s first attempt at romantic comedy in “P.S. I Love You”, the Cold War era comedy drama “Charlie Wilson’s War” (waning Oscar hopes and all), and the long awaited “Sweeney Todd” and “There Will Be Blood”.
In conflict-of-interests news, former Senator George Miitchell’s “Mitchell Report” does not name a single Red Sox baseball player as a steroid user. The Orioles? Nine of them, and many more mentions of performance-enhancing drugs being a major part of the culture of the Baltimore locker room. Of course, the Yankees are hit hard, as is Toronto. Not finding a single Red Sox player who was an HGH user or steroid user is like looking in a haystack for a needle and finding no hay. Do haystacks even have hay? Of course. Do the Red Sox players use performance-enhancing drugs? Of course. It is good that the names are out now, but to not find anything wrong with Boston whatsoever makes the report pretty unobjective.
Also, the report, besides the Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens revelations, is really a glorified who’s who list of anonymous baseball players. It really doesn’t shatter me that much that Larry Bigbie, David Segui or Adam Piatt were juicing. Still Miguel Tejada was revealed as a user and the report is actually pretty fun to read, especially if one remembers the heady days of Major League Baseball earlier this decade. My guess is when there is another report like this in a couple of years, Boston players and many more of today’s current stars will be exposed. These drugs make the players better, usually much better. Some have admitted using, saying that they tried it once, or used it to get over a specific injury.
Yeah, right. That is as believable as Bill Clinton not inhaling. Why would you only take it once, so far into your career. Did you think you’d just partake in the latest fad? No. The real answer is much more calculating and bleak. The baseball institution, from fitness trainers, high school and college coaches, right down to the owners and managers, have always ignored and obviously at times, secretly promoted the steroid lifestyle. A silly report by a biased old man netted close to 100 names. In a couple of years there will be a sports trivia game show on TV called “Who’s The User?” hosted by Jose Canseco. His bizarre, entertaining admissions in his book “Juiced” started the whole process. Still, as he illustrated, baseball is just one aspect of a steroid epidemic in our country. From baseball to football to track and your local gym, it is now estimated that 15 percent of high school seniors use steroids. You may not know these peeps, but they are everywhere, and it usually is a habit that continues into adulthood. For baseball stars, the results are evident in their statistics and paychecks.
One star that needs exposing: Santa Claus. That guy’s juicing for real! How does he make his way across seven continents in just one night? Ho, Ho, Ho is hardly ‘roid rage however. Mitchell certainly does know how to get his name out there though. Everyone, please enjoy the holiday, and be irresponsible if you see fit to do so. Drink and drive, flirt with nieces, act generally uncouth. I really get tired of those threatening commercials and PSAs about driving drunk on the holidays. The police and government have shouldn’t be spending their money on that mess? Have a very uncouth Christmas to all the happy and unhappy goyim out there, and the righteous gentiles as well. As the storm clouds graze over Santa Monica, the scoundrel emerges from his chamber of knowledge for a magnificent Holiday weekend.
KEN TARR is a student at Santa Monica College, an actor and writer and is also taller than 99 percent of the population. He telepathically or at
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 21, 2007. Read the original PDF.