YESTERDAY I BECAME, ALONG WITH other gay and lesbian Californians, equal.
I wrote four years ago that one man with courage could change the way the world works, in response to San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom’s prescient and incredibly humane action of opening up the possibility of true marriage to gays and lesbians in his city.
His actions were construed as political grandstanding, a vain attempt to get attention for himself and his city.
The throngs of people who circled City Hall nothwithstanding, and the fact that people from all across the country flew in to get married in San Francisco, were of no consequence.
The critics of gay rights were appalled. The lawsuits flew, and the marriages were ruled to be null and void.
But Thursday, the California Supreme Court in a remarkably thorough 120 pages made clear that the time had come for true equality to be the hallmark of our state.
Many people don’t really understand why the cases matter, after all isn’t domestic partnership the same thing as marriage? Well, in a word, no.
The court looked at that argument and said that so long as there is a separate definition of domestic partners, there can be no equality. Separate but equal was struck down decades ago in the black civil rights cases, and today it is just as unacceptable in regards to gays and lesbians.
The way in which the court wrote the opinion is crucial to its understanding. The court said that being gay is no less an immutable characteristic than race and gender. In so doing they elevated the standard of review to the highest possible, and with it, the court has given gays and lesbians a place of respect in law and society that they have never had.
What is the practical effect of all this? Legally very little will change for those people who choose to get married, they will be entitled to many of the same benefits they would have received under a domestic partnership registration. But socially it is the sense of belonging that is the crucial difference.
And that is what it means to be equal. To belong.
To belong to a society that one participates in fully, as an equal, in all ways. From paying taxes to raising children, to getting married and buying a home together.
It means for gay men they no longer have to explain to educated people that when they say “husband” they really mean long-term committed partner. It means that when a lesbian refers to her “wife” she doesn’t have to have the conversation about not being “really married.”
It means that our relationships are not just some pseudo-marriage equivalent that we’re given to shut us up. It means we’re viewed as respectable, and more importantly, it means we are respected by the state.
It proves that we are not just a group of self-indulgent drunken frat boys playing at being like the real adults — the heterosexuals.
Much will be written about the legal theory behind it all, and the implications for the national fight for marriage and lots and lots of constitutional scholars and civil activists will be talking on the television.
The religious right is sure to spend millions trying to get a ballot measure to change our state constitution, and the political talking heads will make much hay for the next week.
They will spout off about polygamy and the downfall of society, issues that the court, in its wisdom dealt with specifically by saying that this does not open the door to polygamy. Not that opponents will actually read the ruling, just like they don’t actually read the Bible.
Then it will all die down, and soon it will be as unremarkable as seeing a mixed race couple holding hands on the Third Street Promenade.
But today, it’s remarkable. Today I cried with joy at being able to finally enjoy something that every heterosexual person takes for granted.
We don’t often in our life, get to witness history so clearly made, and rarely too does it become so very personal.
Earlier this year I wrote that as an educated, white, male, lawyer, I rarely feel discriminated against, except when I tell people I’m gay.
No more. The state of California has granted me full rights of equality. And it feels wonderful.
I, and millions of other gays and lesbians in the state, owe a big thank you to Gavin Newsom.
He did a small act, with profound effects. He honored people’s humanity and in so doing, changed the world, or at least the state of California.
Thank you, Mr. Mayor.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on May 16, 2008. Read the original PDF.