By Steve Breen is a self-described Reagan Republican and the “best looking postman in Santa Monica.” He dulcama-
TEN GUYS GO INTO UNCLE SAM’S BAR every day and order a round of beers which comes to $100. They decide to pay the bill the way we pay our taxes (Some of you have heard this apocryphal Internet parable). The first 4 men, the poorest, pay nothing. The fifth pays $1, the sixth pays $3, the seventh pays $7, the eighth pays $12, the ninth pays $18 and the 10th, the richest, pays $59.
After a time, the bartender, Uncle Sam, decided to decrease their overall bill by $20. It was discovered that if he divided the “windfall” amongst the PAYING customers then the fifth and sixth man would GET PAID for drinking their beer while the first four would still pay nothing. Soooo,“Uncle” decided to divide their savings fairly based on the “tax” table.
The fifth man now, like the first four, paid zilchadero for 100 percent savings, the sixth paid $2 for 33 percent savings, the seventh paid $5 for 28 percent savings, the eighth paid $9 (25 percent savings), the ninth paid $14 (22 percent savings), the rich guy paid $49 (16 percent savings).
All were still better off than before and the first four still drank for free. Upon comparison of their savings, however, the bottom nine men came to complain: “I only got $1 out of $20,” whined the sixth man, “but he got $10!” pointing to the 10th man. “Me, too!” squealed the fifth man. “It’s unfair he got 10 times more than I did.”The seventh added,“and why should he get $10 when I only got $2? The wealthy get ALL the breaks!” The first four belched in unison “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor! Can I bum an American Spirit from you?”
So the nine men surrounded the 10th man and beat the chicken soup out of him.
The next night the 10th man didn’t show up for Happy Hour yet the “Neener-neener Nine” drank without him. When it came time to pay the bill, however, they received an epiphany from the God of “Duh”…They didn’t have enough baksheesh between them to pay even half of the bill!
For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
Now let me get this straight … Sen. Barack Obama wants to cut “taxes” for the middle class so they can buy more cheap crap from China.He endeavors to raise the bar tab for the “rich” from its top shelf price of 35 percent to 39.6 percent as a punishment for their entrepreneurial success while providing the bottom feeders of ale house philosophy with a “level playing field.” Recently, Obama had imbibed deeply from the barrel of anti-American protectionist legislation (Fair Pay Act) and was subsequently cut off and had his car keys taken away by his own frat party. He supports the Patriot Employers Act that rewards companies only if they choose to not outsource their operations overseas while ignoring the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment for companies that do.He wants to renegotiate the alleged failings of NAFTA, fast tracked at an all night kegger party and stuporously signed by fellow Democrat Bill Clinton unconcerned that Mexican corn farmers are getting plowed under by subsidized corn exports and Canadians are anxious that they will get cut off at the bar from their American subsidized Viagra.
Welcome to Tequila-nomics, whereby you punish the Bill Gates’, the Warren Buffets’ and the Oprah Winfreys’ for their vision, tenacity and business savvy until you hurl. Where the bouncer “86’s” the individual so the mob of slacker ingrates can drink for free on someone else’s tab. Whereby you “short pour” the very people who provide the Bottle of Envy of all other nations that wish they could be materially like us.
If any of you had to deal with your bank over the phone with someone in Bangladesh due to “outsourcing,” you can reason that if Obama has his way, then the next order you place at the drive-thru window at McD’s after last call will be fielded by some kid in Mongolia.
Folks, everybody hates the rich because everybody wants to be like THEM! Me? I love the rich! I wanna be just like Paris Hilton! Cute and blond with a criminal record. And when the “Price is Right” and you get lucky by purchasing your Super Lotto tickets at Pagliari’s Liquor rather than make smart investments in your 401K or stuffing it in your mattress, then does your caterwauling against the rich seem to demur.
Another round for all my friends!
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 5, 2008. Read the original PDF.