I TAKE MANY PHONE CALLS A WEEK from people who are in the midst of some emotional turmoil. Frequently, I wonder if I am more lawyer or therapist. Generally, there is very little I can do for them. It’s not that I’m unfeeling, or incompetent, it’s just often there is little that can be done.
Americans like to paint lawyers as either sainted heroes fighting the good fight for the downtrodden, or as ambulance-chasing, blood-sucking bottom-feeders who would sell their mother for a good contingency case. The truth is most lawyers are trying to do the best they can for their clients, and keep a roof over their heads.
The judicial system in our country is far from perfect. Mostly because it is operated by humans and we are a highly faulty creation. We would like to believe that we can achieve justice, but the reality is that one person’s justice is another person’s rigged system, designed to “stick it to ____” and you can fill in the blank with men, women, children, whites, blacks, Asians, gays, straights, Catholics, Jews and Muslims, and you can increase the list infinitely.
This week has been all about a friend of mine who is facing a restraining order. His ex-girlfriend decided to pursue a restraining order, mostly, I believe, as a negotiating tactic. He never threatened her, he has no history of violent behavior, no criminal record and she has demonstrated that she doesn’t really fear the guy, because she left her pre-teen daughter in his care for a day,after she filed for the TRO. Now, seriously, who leaves their child with a person that they believe is dangerous?
The problem is this, even though he’s not a threat to her, and even though she clearly still trusts the guy, she started down a path that leads to the courthouse. He must defend himself in this matter, for the seriousness of a TRO can bring with it jail time and a criminal record if violated. The fact is that a TRO can have significant impact on a person’s life. The subject who is restrained has their freedom impeded, and they are forced to surrender or sell their firearms, a Federal Constitutional right.
Should he inadvertently violate a restraining order, and be in the same place as his ex, if she decides to call the police on him, he goes to jail and is looking at further legal costs, and damage to his reputation.
Needless to say, this type of negotiation tactic is playing hardball, and it is frustrating for him, and frankly, it’s hard for me, as both a friend and a lawyer, to have to walk through this with him. He knows it’s a bunch of bunk, but it still becomes the obsessive subject of his conversation.
As a fighter on the frontlines, I’ve seen both sides of this. I’ve represented people who are seeking protection and I’ve worked with people who are seeking to clear their name. It’s never pretty. No one ever gets out unscathed.
The judges in all this are faced with a horrendous task, of trying to determine who to believe. The mud starts flying and by the time both sides are done, neither of them looks respectable. Which is why judges so often come down on the side of caution.
No judge wants to be the one who didn’t issue a TRO when things go bad and someone ends up dead. The sad fact however, is that a TRO wont stop a crazy person from violating it.
For example, I have a client whose ex-boyfriend is currently in jail. She has a restraining order against him protecting her and her daughter. He is not allowed to have any contact, with either of them. Does this stop him from calling her and writing letters to his daughter? No.
She calls me and wants me to make him stop. I’ve already won in court, and he’s already in jail, what more can I do? Nothing really. I told her to go to the police and file a report, then the District Attorneys’ Office can review it and decide if they want to pursue it, but with the murders, robberies and shootings in this city, how likely is that? I can listen. And sometimes that’s all you can do, whether it be for a friend or a client, sometimes you just have to lend your ear and know that the system is not perfect, and we can’t control everything.
So the next time you hear a story about some incompetent attorney, or uncaring judge, or how rigged the system is to “stick it to you,” remember that people in emotional turmoil aren’t always reliable in their estimation of the facts, and that the system was designed by rational people to deal with rational people, and the only way to deal with a crazy person is with craziness; and who wants to build a system on that?
DAVID PISARRA is a Family Law Attorney in the Santa Monica law firm of Pisarra & Grist. He (310) 664-9969 or by e-mail at
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 14, 2007. Read the original PDF.