TOMORROW NIGHT, THE TROLLS, GOBLINS and ghouls, along with the princesses and pirates, will be stalking the neighborhood in search of goodies and treats. The annual ritual of dressing up and terrorizing the neighborhood, which in my childhood was a small holiday, of no great value, has grown and improved so that now it is a cause of major parties, and not just in West Hollywood.
Most months have a reasonably good excuse to throw a party, whether it be a St. Patrick’s Day drunk fest, which somehow honors those of Irish heritage with gallons of dark beer and fools being sick in the parking lot, or the faux romance of St. Valentine’s Day, a day dedicated to making the single feel less than accomplished.
Holidays are kinda funny. They basically are used by marketing departments to sell products. Historically, they represented a break in a routine; bringing a joy to life, where families gathered and spent time together making a feast, and reacquainting with each other.
These days, they are fast becoming nothing more than an opportunity to increase the bottom line for those dreaded corporations who make our lives busier and blander.
In a world where every major grocery store has pre-packaged holiday dinners “for your convenience,” where I can buy a Santa in September,and every holiday has been so commercialized as to wipe it free of any religious meaning, I don’t think the problem is me.
What with the advent of a marketing calendar that now plans 12 months in advance, you can be sure that we will only see an increase in the overall advertising and drive to extract money from our pockets for things that we don’t need. I’m not opposed to such a thing on philosophical grounds, as a hard core capitalist, in fact, I spend time trying to figure out how to incorporate that into my own marketing messages.
On a personal level, however, it scares me. It scares me because the years are flying by faster and faster, and in a year like this one, where the holidays come rapid fire, (this year’s Thanksgiving is only 23 days away!) it becomes harder and harder to relax and actually enjoy the days as they unfold; which, coincidentally, makes it more and more important that we actually do stop and slow down to enjoy the days.
I had this confirmed to me today. I was sitting in the lobby of a hotel, writing this column, and a gentleman sat down next to me. We got to chatting about what I do as an entrepreneur, lawyer and writer. He had made millions of dollars and, at 65, had just suffered two heart attacks. He had worked hard his whole life, had been through two marriages and missed the raising of his son.
We spoke at length about the value of taking time to enjoy your life and making happiness a priority. He reminded me that the memories of today are what matter, that to be in the moment and enjoy the people you are with, is more important than the dogged pursuit of some goal.
In his case, it was important to make the multi-million dollar merger happen, but he said: “What’s the point of it all if you don’t have someone to come home to at the end of the day and share the joy of the success?” As a retired Green Beret, he knew how to drive home a point, and he gave me a thorough lecture on the value of balance in one’s life.
Balance is a difficult thing to achieve. We can easily become overwhelmed with work, the need to make the holiday home “Martha Stewart Perfect” and buying gifts for everyone to make them happy.But it’s all just an illusion.
When I look back at my life, at the parties I’ve thrown and attended, the work I’ve done, and the times that I put “a project” ahead of my friends, I always realize that I don’t have great memories of the work, but I always have great memories of my friends. I can’t tell you what the flower arrangement was at my last party, but I can tell you who was there and the funny stories that happened as a result.
The holidays are here, the year is almost over, and it will be in the blink of an eye.
My law partner’s wife always says that memories are made today, so did a guy named Jack. The point is, focus on the important things: Your friends, your family, wear a costume, make a pumpkin pie... remember that you’ll always remember a party, and almost never a day at the office.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 30, 2007. Read the original PDF.