By SETH BARNES barnes-
THEY TELL US WE LIVE IN THE “Information Age.” Never in the history of human thought has communication, data sharing and collaboration been so easy. Upon waking, I can indulge any number of behaviors, depending on my mood: Brush up on my favorite Beethoven sonata with a classical music buddy in Prague, research second basemen for my fantasy baseball team, or consider the merits of joining Al Qaeda in Iraq (if I have worldwide jihad and the destruction of modern Western thought as we know it on the brain).
The world’s a big place, and frankly, many of us would rather confront it anonymously via a small electronic box in the privacy of our own homes.
As broadband access to the Internet and the scale of available information increase exponentially, some interesting features have come onto the scene. In addition to Wikipedia.org, the ubiquitous online encyclopedia, several sites have arisen that are dedicated to answering specific questions posed by curious users.
Now, instead of browsing the history of human romance in an attempt to school oneself in the game of love (the good editors at Wikipedia define romantic love as “a form of sexual love that attempts to either partly, or in some cases entirely, transcend mere needs driven by looks, sexual desire, or material and social gain”... be still my passionate heart!), one might head to a site like Answers.com or Yahoo Answers to ask a direct question: “How do I get a date?” The site community would then take a stab at providing an answer, and in doing so, they individually accrue points, which later can be exchanged for cold, hard cash or a briefcase of gold bars. Actually, that’s a lie. The points can’t be exchanged for anything, they’re entirely worthless. But points, no matter how utterly devoid of value and meaning, are good nonetheless, right?
Clearly, these answering services have value. Especially for someone so befuddled that they’re frozen at the starting line in the quest for love. For them, the best answer might involve something like “slowly move away from the electronic box, take a shower, shave, and in preparation for your first human contact in months, put on something besides that gray, crusty sweatsuit.” And after such a person has tackled a challenge like this, they might be emboldened enough to ask a more aggressive, lofty question: “How do I find a fiery, young, redheaded thing looking for some action?”
At this point, the community, perhaps lacking experience in such racy matters, might sarcastically reply: If that’s what you’re after, you know where to find it in your electronic box.”
Back at the electronic box, our would-be Romeo is probably desperate, despairing and depressed leading to the inevitable question: “Why didn’t my mother and father love me more when I was an impressionable child?” They’d be pepped up by the answer: “Your parents love you no matter what — that’s the job description.”
“So wait, can I bring my mom on that date with me? You’re right, she’s my best friend and cheerleader.”
“Again, cheerleaders, redheads, weird Freudian fantasies involving mommy... that electronic box has it all.”
No matter what, it’s clear these sites are doing something important. Because while there are many questions without clear answers, what’s important is that others folks are in the same boat. Sometimes the common human experience of living can pull us through the hard times.
I’ve also found that once you’re aware of the online answer websites, it’s hard to block out some of the classic questions that clang around in the mind from time to time: Where was I before I was born? What’s the destiny of the human race? Is Harry Potter going to die? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
After all, sometimes the question itself tells us more about ourselves than the answer.
Wait, what the heck does that mean?
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 20, 2007. Read the original PDF.