WE LIVE IN A TREMENDOUS CITY. IN terms of its weather, and location, we are hugely blessed. The enjoyment of life here is immense. As I frequently state, when I am sitting in the whirlpool at my gym, surrounded by tourists from Minnesota and Michigan this time of year, we have it very good. In fact you can’t really ask for more. But I will.
When I am out walking my dog, I am astounded by the level of trash that I see; the litter that covers the sidewalks and alleys is appalling. The empty liquor bottles, from the minis to the half gallons, are strewn about like so many sequins on a ballgown.
I know where these are coming from, and yes it is the homeless alcoholics that we have taken upon ourselves as our personal life’s mission to save, or at least provide for. Thank you very much City Council for providing us all with a conscience, which we would otherwise lack. But, since you feel it is necessary to act in Loco Parentis, perhaps you could find it in your vast repository of genial goodwill, to teach them a few manners. Like cleaning up after yourself. No? Well then, how about this: Let’s raid the healthcare budget for the council and use the money for something that will benefit us all, hire more waste management personnel. I want people to walk the streets picking up the trash that is so liberally thrown about. I think this would help the city become more picturesque, and has the added benefit of increasing the city’s payroll, which any experienced pol will tell you, is an unmitigated good.
Yes, since we have a nanny state, as proven by the prolific No Smoking, No Sleeping, Clean Up After Your Dog, No Spitting, No Bare Aureoles, regulations, I think it is high time that we start increasing the maid service in this town. Seriously, we could get some of those homeless people at OPCC off the streets and into well paying jobs, which would then translate into rent and food sales.
The trashing isn’t just limited to the homeless, I might point out. Yes, it is definitely not just them. My neighbor likes to tell the story of watching a waste management employee, who was picking up the trash, unwrap a piece of gum, and then toss the wrapper onto the sidewalk. So if the people who are paid to clean up the city can’t remember that they shouldn’t be littering, can we really expect people who have no ownership stake in this city to be any better?
I expect that I will get a fair amount of flack for this suggestion, but honestly, why not just hire more people to clean up the city? We obviously cannot police everyone and make sure that they don’t litter, but we can deal with the effects. We have more than enough people in this city who would be willing to take a job walking around, with a bag and a “pick stick” to clean up the trash.
Since we have to put with the hordes of the great unwashed, who choose to spend their days milling about the liquor stores in our neighborhoods, and shuffling back to the shelters, I don’t feel that it is unreasonable to expect the city to take on the responsibility of cleaning up after them. After all, as I am so often reminded, I can be fined for not having my dog properly vaccinated and licensed, and should I fail to clean up after him, the police will gladly write me a ticket.
I feel it is only appropriate that the city either take responsibility for this endemic trash problem, or make the funding of these homeless shelters and outreach programs contingent upon them policing their beneficiaries better. If the nanny state feels that it is so important regulate almost every aspect of my life as a homeowner and business owner, I don’t see why those who choose to avoid the responsibility of being self sufficient should get a free ride when it comes to cleaning up after themselves. But since they obviously cannot be punished, we should either provide for a solution, like more staffing in waste management, or cut the purse strings and remove the attractive force of such programs.
The point is that the city needs to be consistent; if our Nanny State feels the need to provide a full range of services for the downtrodden, then I think that maid service should be one of them.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 22, 2008. Read the original PDF.