A FEW WEEKS AGO I WROTE ABOUT MY mother meeting Martin Luther King (“A Look Back at MLK from My Mom’s Car”). I commented on Jay Edgar Hoover’s well-documented trampling of the constitution and individual’s civil liberties. I asked why does the FBI building still bear his name. How much could a new sign cost?
I also made mention of Jay Edgar’s predilection to wearing chiffon dresses. Ironically, Hoover was infamous for using this type of information to blackmail private citizens and even presidents. Many historians credit these illegal tactics for his longevity. It was pretty difficult for a president to fire the man who had photos of him in a tutu. Some even suggest that Hoover’s decades-long denial of organized crime was because the Mafia was blackmailing him!
A few days after my column I received an anonymous e-mail from a female reader calling me homophobic. “A desire to wear the opposite gender’s clothing — often perceived as a sign of someone’s homosexuality — in no way prevents a person from doing their work capably, and should never be interpreted as a sign of inferiority.”
At this point I got the sense she hadn’t liked my column very much. But, ever the optimist, I read on.
“The demographic for people who sneak into opposite gender clothing is most often male, successful, and heterosexual. If this bill fits you, perhaps you ought to put down your stones — who knows what you will be wearing this time next year?”
I could use some new sweat pants, but a dress, I kinda doubt it.
The e-mail ended, “ Shame on you” and was signed, “Angrily, Your Pants-Wearing, Female Reader.” Sounds like a name from “Dances with Wolves.” And there was also a P.S. “Tell SMDP that in addition to allowing homophobic, sexist comments (I guess she means me) changing the way beats are monitored does not constitute a ‘new approach to policing.” I thought about forwarding the last part to Police Chief Jackman, but I think I have some unpaid parking tickets.
I e-mailed PWF back to explain. In citing Hoover’s pink chiffon I had only tried to point out his incredible hypocrisy. By day he persecuted gays, (among others) while at night he thought he was Judy Garland. That I see humor in that may make me a little off center but hopefully not homophobic. To the extent that I was neither funny nor articulate, I do apologize.
In September I wrote about a raccoon discovered in the Pico-Kenter storm drain after an unusually heavy rainstorm (“Rocky Raccoon Rides Into Town.” The video is on YouTube under “Rocky Raccoon Santa Monica”). I received a critical e-mail from a reader who claimed I misrepresented raccoon behavior. As the old-time comics used to say, I couldn’t make this stuff up, folks.
Despite eyewitnesses, my reader claimed it was highly unlikely that Rocky was swept down the storm drain. What was highly unlikely was a raccoon, which is nocturnal, on a beach in the daytime!
I wrote back, thanking him for his insights on raccoons and commented on how much free time he seemed to have. I also asked if I could quote him in a column. He was considerably more polite in his return e-mail asking me please not to mention his name, a request I’ve honored.
Possibly my favorite reader e-mails came in response to “Scooter Skates While Ann Hates” (7.05.07.). I criticized Scooter Libby for his part in the outing of covert CIA agent,Valerie Plame. I received a long-winded e-mail blasting me because Scooter wasn’t convicted of that charge. My reader was right. Libby was convicted of four counts of perjury and one count obstruction of justice (Serving less time than Paris Hilton).
Then I received a second e-mail from his friend. I was relieved he actually had a friend, as opposed to the lone, assassin type. The friend informed me that he uses my columns as toilet paper. What a lovely image. Couldn’t he have said he uses my column to line his birdcage? I wrote back saying his personal hygiene was his business, but questioned if this practice wasn’t a little rough on you know what.
My column is entitled “Laughing Matters,” which means I try to be funny. It’s never my intention to offend anyone (Except perhaps Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and other neo-cons who have just about ruined this country). I actually enjoy getting reader e-mail, even critical ones. Except perhaps for the reader who uses my column for toilet paper. For him, I can only hope by now he’s switched to Charmin.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 8, 2008. Read the original PDF.