By Pammy Parannoyed
Editor:
You know those liquid natural gas buses the city likes to use? Well here’s a news flash, Walter Kronkite — those buses are spewing toxic chemicals all over Santa Monica.
That’s right, LNG is great when it’s used for fuel but can be toxic when breathed. It makes us light-headed, confused and downright weird. Please, tell the city to stop LNG before it’s too late.
Pammy Parannoyed
Santa Monica
How dare you
Editor:
You call the Daily Planet a newspaper? More like a ruse paper. How dare you publish no real news today — you’re a joke. And not even a funny one.
Stephen Stiffleg
Santa Monica
Celebrity scandal
Editor:
I never use the public restrooms downtown, but last night I just had to duck into one after seeing “The Passion of the Christ,” because it’s so damn long. Anyway, you’ll never believe what I saw. There was actress Jamie Lee Shirtless and she was, well, she was orally satisfying Jorge Michael! I swear it’s true. I think we need better bathrooms and a little dignity so that all those homeless people can use the can in peace.
Paula Peepers
Santa Monica
Smut-filled newspaper
Editor:
I have been an avid reader of the SMDP for decades, and nothing has ever appalled me more than the cover of March 30th photo! This is a family paper! There are children who could be reading it! Photos of curvy, sexy, saucy Penthouse models soaked in tofu from top to bottom. Tofu in their luscious mouths, cupping their bodies so gently, like a mom would a newborn babe. Tofu slowly working itself underneath their skimpy suits, begging to touch their soft skin and to join as one! I’ve never been more tempted to burn your paper, and what the heck is PETA?
Your article made no sense to me, or I’m sure any other readers. You are smut-peddling pigs using your powers to corrupt Santa Monica residents, and I’d like you to stop delivering your filth to my doorstep!
Santa Monica
Sexual favors?
Editor:
There is favoristism going on in parking ticket department. My friend told me yesterday that she has gotten out of several tickets after she traded sex for a waive of the fines she had racked up. I mean, really. I know that sex is more powerful than money, but have you seen some of these “meter maids.” I would rather pay triple. It’s appalling that the City Council allows this to happen in our fine city.
Clara Conserveme
Santa Monica
Is this for real?
Editor:
I just wanted to share a little joy with our community. I am so proud to be a citizen of Santa Monica. I was just on the Third Street Promenade today and my cup runeth over with happiness. It was so clean and quiet there — not a vagrant in sight. Not once was I approached for money or food, no nutcases screaming at my children or harassing other patrons. No traces of urine in the air, just a beautiful day. I didn’t see anyone sifting through the trash or stumbling around drunk. It’s so unlike Malibu! As I walked to my car, which was parked right on the street in a meter-free, permit-free area, I couldn’t help but bask in the beauty of the sky and mountains. My view was totally unobstructed, just wide open. I love that our schools have nothing to worry about financially, that our City Council is so dedicated to the needs of residents. As I drove back to my $2500-a-month studio apartment, I didn’t hit any traffic or hear any noise from construction. I was nothing but thankful. Let us all thank the city for being so full of bliss.
Joan Idontexist
Santa Monica
No more palm trees
Editor:
Did you know that all the palm trees in Santa Monica were planted exactly 99 years ago? Well did you know that palm trees only live for 105 years? What’s going to happen when all those beautiful palm trees start falling over? What then? Huh?
I propose we cut down the palm trees and plant new ones. If we don’t get started soon, Santa Monica may soon be without shade. What kind of a city has no trees? Ridiculous.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2004. Read the original PDF.