Dear Dorie, I’ve noticed my 3-year-old keeps referring to herself in the third person. For example, “Mary doesn’t feel good” or “Mary likes the toy.” Is this normal? Should I go along with it or try to change her behavior? — Worried About Words Dear Worried, It’s amazing how quickly they learn to speak, and just as amazing how quickly they start to play with language. More than likely your daughter is experimenting with different ways of expressing emotions. This is an important part of language acquisition and the answer is yes, this is normal.
I rarely (never say never) recommend trying to change a child’s behavior. Your appropriate response here is to affirm her feelings directly and add an “I” statement to help her along. For example, when she says, “Mary is happy,” answer, “You are happy. I am happy too.” She’ll use the third person as long as she needs it, and you’ll be right there with her. Good luck. — Dorie (Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call 310-452-6132; fax 310-452-6392.)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 17, 2006. Read the original PDF.