ON MONDAY, KARL ROVE — THE long-time Bush adviser and, once, one of the most powerful men in the world — announced his resignation. (Resignation or cutting and running?) Rove says he wants to spend more time with his family. I didn’t know he had one. But not to worry, Karl’s only going to be a phone call away. Like Nixon and “The Terminator,” “he’ll be back.” If Hillary Clinton wins the Democratic nomination (which I hope she doesn’t, but that’s another column), Karl will be called upon to rake muck like only he can.
Bush gave Rove his nickname years ago. Apparently in cattle country, from a cow pie a flower has been known to grow. It’s called a turd blossom. Maybe because Rove was always cleaning the smell from Bush’s many messes (DUI, jury duty, etc.), Bush thought it amusing to give Rove the quaint “Turd Blossom” nickname. It almost makes me feel sorry for Rove. Almost. Rove is “Turd Blossom,” Gonzales is “Fredo,” there was “Rummy” and “Brownie,” Vladimir Putin is “Pooty-poot” and even Enron’s Ken Lay was “Kenny-boy.” Evidently, you can take the boy out of the frat house, but you can never take the frat house out of George Bush.
The earliest recollection I have of Karl Rove was when he spoke wistfully of his first encounter with George back in Texas. Obviously, he had a huge “man crush” on W — Rove talked about how Bush looked in his jeans and boots (yuck), and how he walked with the swagger of a movie star. John Wayne had a swagger, Bush just looks bowlegged. The way he walks, he reminds me of a chimp. Listening to Rove talk about Bush that way, already I knew Karl was more than a little peculiar.
The last time I saw Rove was at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, where he “performed” (if you can call it that) as the rapper known as M.C. Rove. Pasty and pudgy, Rove rapped and danced and proved, if nothing else, white guys should not dance in public. (Mark Madsen, former Laker, proved that once at a championship celebration at Staples Center.) Madsen looked like Fred Astair compared to Rove, who didn’t really dance as much as he hopped around like an old, weird rabbit.
Even more disturbing was when the comedian hosting the improvisational sketch asked Rove what he was going to do after the show. Karl flashed a perverse smile and said he was going to tear the heads off small animals. The comedian blanched and rephrased the question, but Rove stuck with tearing heads off. It was eerie. I pride myself on having a sense of humor, but this seemed closer to Michael Vick than Jay Leno.
There are numerous other quotes of Rove’s that I’ve tried deleting from my mind. On John Kerry and the Vietnam war, Rove bragged, “By the time I’m done with Kerry, you won’t know which side of the war he fought for.” Bush was a draft dodger (as was Clinton) and Cheney had five deferments, while Kerry was wounded numerous times and awarded medals for his courage. And yet, Rove, using the Swift Boaters, succeeded. (Swift Boat propaganda is now thoroughly discredited, but the low-level tactic worked.) And it was Rove who said proudly of the outing of Valerie Plame, she “was fair game.” How patriotic!
But the real question is what will Rove’s legacy be? Andrew Sullivan, a leading conservative voice, said, “Rove’s legacy is a conservative movement largely discredited and disunited, a president with lower consistent approval ratings than any in modern history, a generational shift to the Democrats, a resurgent al Qaeda, an endless catastrophe in Iraq, a long hard struggle in Afghanistan, a fiscal legacy that means bankrupting America within a decade, and the poisoning of American religion with politics and vice-versa.”
“Rove’s legacy is a conservative movement largely discredited and disunited, a president with lower consistent approval ratings than any in modern history.”
Other than all that, he did OK? For those who still admire Bush and Rove, go to YouTube and type in Cheney ‘94. Click on the photo of Cheney and see him, in 1994, asked if we should have invaded Baghdad. He said it would have created a quagmire; we’d be all alone and seen as occupiers; it would have lead to chaos and come at a cost in lives that couldn’t be justified.
Rove was called “Bush’s Brain,” the “Evil Genius” and the “architect.” Some architect. Look at what they created. Today was the deadliest day in Iraq, ever. History will not be kind to Bush and Rove.
In the meantime, the kindest thing I can say to Turd Blossom is: “Don’t let the doors hit you in the behind on your way out.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 17, 2007. Read the original PDF.