Not sure why, but The Imbiber frequently receives advance copies of books accompanied by notes from PR flaks beseeching me to “consider for review.” Out of professional courtesy I generally do take these tomes under consideration, but alas I’ve yet to find one that tastes good in a cocktail. However, I did come across some useful information in “How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt: The Perfect Husband Handbook” ($12, Three Rivers Press) by Craig Boreth — a guidebook filled with tidbits designed to help men navigate those sometimes stormy spousal seas.
Under the heading “How to Become a Martini Guy,” Boreth points out that when garnishing your wife’s martini, Sicilian tradition dictates you use an odd number of olives (“Alla Salute!”) instead of an even number (“You broke my heart, Fredo!”), while in “How to Wait Patiently Until She’s Ready to Leave” he encourages heavy drinking as a means for men to get over our ridiculous fixation with actually being on time. Boreth also offers advice on ordering wine, making Cosmopolitans, dancing at weddings and — my favorite — getting rid of gas (there’s such a thing as antiflatulence underwear … is that awesome or what?) But for as satisfying a read as it is — Howard Stern even gave it his stamp of approval — I found the book to be somewhat lacking in certain areas. For instance, it’d be very beneficial to learn “How to Make Beer Bellies Sexy” or, better yet, “How to Make Her Stop Reminding You How Much You’ve had to Drink Already.” Surely there must be a way “How to Convince Her ‘Irish Car Bombs’ are Good for You,” and, like so many men out there, I’ve often wondered “How to Broach the Subject of a Ménage a Trois with the Hot Waitress Who Works at Our Favorite Nightclub.” I’ve got an e-mail out to Boreth in the hopes of getting his two cents, but I’d really like to hear your thoughts on these and other pertinent questions. If you’ve got some, shoot me an e-mail at I’ll publish some of the best responses in an upcoming column. (For more on Craig Boreth’s book, visit www.perfecthusband.com. Thirsty for more Imbiber? Pull up a barstool at www.TheImbiber.com)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 21, 2005. Read the original PDF.